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Monday, April 18, 2011

F.I.N.E. You Can't Choose Your Family

F.I.N.E = Frustrated Insecure Neurotic and Emotional

(as defined by Rach. You can find her over at It's all her fault.....*wink* )

Funny how family makes one feel F.I.N.E on a consistent basis.

Okay so it's true. Most of us can't choose our family. Sure you choose your spouse but then their family becomes your family. If you're lucky you have a family you love and don't mind being around. Yes, this goes for in laws.

I'm blessed. I truly love my in laws even though we are vastly different in a lot of ways and some times (ok, often) butt heads. They are like my own just as I am to them. This goes beyond the love/respect that is between the bearers of the grandchildren.

Right now, I wish I could do more for Mom aka Nana aka MIL. There's been a lot of drama going on. Not, I'm not privy to all that's going on but it's the same crap that always tends to happen surrounding 2 of the 7 siblings. Of course one of the 2 is now pulling her stunts again, we'll call her Trouble (not original but fits). Only this time it's at the worst moment. Grandma's brother past away over the weekend. She left last week to be with him. Hubby and I (ok hubby) took Grandma to get new tires on her car so she could safely make the trip. Grandma didn't have the money to replace tires. Mom/Dad didn't have it either. She asked us if (ok Dave) would help Grandma out. We were willing and able. Not expecting anything in return. Just helping where we can. We found out later that Grandma told Mom that she'd pay us back. She told her the same thing Dave told her, we didn't want/expect repayment. Grandma told Mom that God would bless us.

Well, since Grandma was out of town apparently Trouble needed help. Mom being the oldest tends to get lots asked of her. If ever there's an issue in the family she's the one everyone turns to. So, Trouble calls Mom and asks her to take her to the grocery store because she has no way to get there since Grandma is out of town. Some how or other Trouble lost her car because even w/job she couldn't make the payments. Mom being Mom decided to take her to store. If it had been me I may just have told her to walk. Plenty of other people have had to  do the same thing. Then late Sun evening we get the news about Grandmas brother. Mom was sick with everything going on and just wanted to rest. But NO! Trouble calls and asks of she can take her to return her kids to their dad. He is like an hour or so away. Mom once again goes to help.

This bothers me beyond belief. The treatment she gets from siblings that can't or won't get their lives together and keep relying on family helping family no matter what. Grandma doesn't have lots of money. The troublesome siblings are grown adults of middle age(ish). My understanding is they aren't really helpful to her and live pretty much free with her. I know that some of the siblings, Mom included, puts money in her bank account to help out. Those that can't help with money help in other ways, I'm sure. They're all responsible adults and love and respect their mom. This to me is the way it is supposed to be. Parents take care of us when we are little and sometimes when we are grown. Is it too much to ask that we do the same for them when they are in need?

I have watched Mom make herself ill over the drama that goes on in the family. It kills me that I cannot do much more than hug her and pray for her and them all. maybe the biggest thing I can do is help ease the burden here at our house. No, I don't particularly like the extra laundry. It's one less thing she has to worry about and maybe that helps in some way. Or make her laugh when I hear sadness in her voice and ask if I can help and she says no it's just family stuff.  I made her laugh by telling her to smack them, might not help but will make you feel better. She laughed. It was music to my ears.

I think it's just selfishness that has Trouble acting this way and not caring that her mother is now the only one left of her family line. I know how that feels. I wish someone would decide to sit the troublesome siblings down and have that chat with them. The one where you say we love you but we can no longer support you if you continue to act this way. Tough love stuff. But that's just me.

It's still a shame that at this time when Grandma needs all the support she can get that others are making it all about them. I hope they appreciate it but I doubt it.

As for Mom, I may not be able to take away her worries or her burdens. At same time, it's not my responsibility. That doesn't keep me from helping out where I can, even if it's just extra laundry. Or praying for her and all of them.


  1. That's great that you're trying to ease your MIL's burden. That speaks volumes for the kind of person you are.

  2. I love her and respect her a lot even though we differ quite a bit. She told me day 1 I was hers and she'd treat me as such. Thus we tend to have more of mother daughter than MIL DIL relationship.

    Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting. =)


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