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Monday, January 23, 2012

That Tree

I am like that tree.
The tree in the yard.
The bare tree.
Bare but for small buds.
Buds that felt the warmth of the sun and a new beginning.
For that tree the sun is shinning.
But winter is still upon it.
Those buds could still be defeated by winter.
That is the way I feel.

by Paulette

I am preparing to fight what amounts to a small battle I am sure. Not with depression. I am down but I am not out. I have right on my side and right has got to win. I have awesome friends and family behind me. More importantly, I have God. I have hope. For now, that is enough. Even if I am down just now.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Working Mom?

Well, I could potentially be a Working Mom. I have a job interview tomorrow. As y'all know, this could be the beginning of awesome changes for us. One of us having a Full Time job could put us well on our way to an honest to goodness plan to get out of the parents house. YAY!

The job is at a local day care center at a church. Yeah, I could be working with kids but I like that idea. Of course, me having this chance to work would come just days after hubs got a Part Time job. He works 2 days a week. Which is awesome in of itself. BUT our kids do not go to school in the area where the daycare vans run. Bummer. So there's a small logistics problem to figure out. I'm hopeful that this will be solved. We need this. So hopefully hubs can work out something with his job. I have people who could help me get my kids to the daycare twice a week but they don't live close by and would need gas money. Considering they live on the other side of town and would have to make big circle to another close by town helping them with gas is only fair.

Naturally, I am just a tad nervous for this interview. It's been at least 7 years since I have worked. I have only worked with other peoples kids once. I for a short time watched 2 little kids as a favor for an acquaintance for far less than what going rate was at that time. Is was great minus the fact the parents leaned towards flakiness and then some. At the time, hubs had a full time job. Before that I worked in an office for 5 years. In that 5 years I worked in Data Entry, Accounts Receivable, and Receptionist. My nervousness comes from the fact it's been so long since I've worked that I'm praying my interview skills are not that rusty. I have hope I
ll do well and even that I could actually get this job. I'm beyond thankful that they just didn't over look my application and move on. Let's be honest, after being at home for so long I have no marketable skills, or at least that was the way I was beginning to feel. Like I was being punished for staying at home with my kids rather than working just to pay for gas and daycare for my 3 kiddos.

I think my worry over the interview is sound. I was not exactly stellar at the phone portion. Yet, something (like Divine Intervention) lead the person on the phone to go ahead and tell me to come in for an interview. Every time I start to worry bout my lack of job experience in that last several years and my rusty interview skills, I stop and remember they are giving me a chance. I can work with that. I can.

Some of the he reactions from people around me kind had me wondering if people thought something was wrong with me being at home and liking it. All good but some ego busting comments. Like it being good for me to have a job so I can get out and be around adults. While that is probably true, it's not like I was chained to the house. I don't have many friends in town I can visit during the day. My best friend lives about 40minutes away. So, funds sometimes played a role in what I could do. Plus, I do honestly like being home and taking care of things. I still remember how catty it could get at my last job, and I for sure didn't miss that. If I get this job, I have no doubts I'll like working again. I'm all adaptable like that. Hubs is capable of taking over my pick up the kids and get them where they need to go duties. I have begun to let it sink in that he probably won't do as much house work as I do and may need lessons in proper laundry doing but we can manage.

We will manage. Cause at the end of the day, this is what we've been praying for. That one of us would get a job. Just so happens it was me. I might've wished it otherwise but this is what is in the works. I knew when I started filling out applications it could happen. I was not in any way just filling out applications just to say I was doing my part and trying. I've never in my life shied away from what was necessary.

All the positive thoughts and prayers would definitely be a plus if you so wish to share them. Thanks.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Tweens?

Oh my but it was a busy Christmas and New Year's for us. I won't bore you with lengthy descriptions of our Christmas and New Years. Readers Digest version, Christmas at 3 houses was fantastic! New Year's was AWESOME! 2011 may have been rough for us, still living with the in laws and all but it was not a total loss. In fact, in a lot of ways things were steadily improving. So, I have high hopes for 2012.

Somewhere a mist all the festivites my oldest, Sean, turned 10. I think that officially makes him a tween. Yes? And OMG! I so don't want to think much on that because he has sisters who are 7 and 5. Seems like tweendom is fast approaching all my babies. I think that some think this age with boys is preferable to girls but I think it's 6 one way half a dozen another. I know I have yet to experience my very own tween girls but I remember what that awkward age is like and well, it's not like it's gotten easier since I was that age.

I see daily Sean struggle with wanting to be a kid and being a teen. He wants to order off the big peoples menus but gets upset when he doesn't get the dessert or toy that comes with kids menu. If we go to McD's I order him a Mighty Kid's meal cause it's slightly bigger and he still gets the toy. Yet, some how he always forgets he'll still get a toy and gets all upset cause he wants the toy.

But what I'm really not ready for is puberty. I'm a girl. DUH! I have no idea how to guide a little man through this age. It apparently scares my hubby more cause he cringes when I mention things he may need to discuss with our son. Me? I don't want to be that person unless Sean asks me. I'm not really prepared to answer questions but I'm working on getting there. I strongly feel that since he has a Dad in his life that that is the person he should go to. I mean I nearly fainted, that may be exaggerated, when he told me he was a man cause he now has hair down there.

OMG! I totally handled my little Meg telling me she had boobs way better than I took that sentence from Sean. Seriously, I did. After all, Meg is 5 and definitely does not have boobs, yet. Or B who asserts impending tweendom aggressively. I mean, she demands privacy in the bathroom for crying out loud! Yet, she has no issue barging right in on me. *sigh*

Plus? There's the fact that I now have a 10 year old. 10 seems pretty significant to me. Like we've come a long way from his not sleeping as an infant at night, hardly ever. All the ear/sinus infections. The amazement at him finally walking at 13mos old and me saying I told you he'd do it when he was ready! Which ironically, happened just a day or so after he had ear tubes put in. Through the crazy terrible twos/toddler years, cause we all know terrible does not begin or end with two, thank you very much. To him becoming a big brother a few months before turning 3. That was an interesting adjustment. Then school. Another sister. Troubles with school and behavior. To discovering all the bad behavior was not solely bad parenting on my part. Us struggling with what was going on and defying outside family at every turn insisting we were making the right decisions. To moving in with Nana/Pop, the very people we agree to disagree with about Sean and his diagnoses and meds. That seems like such a lot in just 10 years. Yet, I know it really isn't.

I'm not prepared 100% for him to be completely interested in girls or dating. Lord help the first one to break his heart. Pretty sure I'm more scared of all the normal tween/teen things than I am the fact he's steadily got to take responsibility for himself and his struggles. But I hope he knows that no matter what this world throws at him that he knows we'll be behind him.

I'm not sure going through tweendom into teendom is great prep for the girls to follow not long behind but the experience can't hurt.