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Monday, May 30, 2011

Vlog Talk ~ Eel Squeal

This week for Vlog Talk I am talking bout a memorable vacation.

Thanks to Jessica from My Time As MomElena from Mommy is in Timeout, and Kate from Mommy Monologues for hosting Vlog Talk.

This week’s prompts:
1.) Share the story of your engagement.
2.) A vacation to remember…where did you go and what did you do?
3.) What are you growing? A tour of your garden, flower beds, etc.
For more information on VlogTalk or to have the prompts emailed directly to you each week gohere.
The weekly #VlogTalk Twitter chat is Tuesday May 31st from 6 – 7pm PST. Hope to chat with you there.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Not Her

Linking up with Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop
I'm chose Prompt 2. 

Not My Mother's Daughter...

Hard for me to choose this but it spoke to me. It spoke to me cause I didn't get to grow up with my mom. She took her own life when I was 5 months old to the day. Two weeks to the day before my daddy's birthday.

For several years I was parented by my daddy. It was just me and him against the world. Him holding tight and trying to protect me from all that could hurt me. Even if that meant mom's family. They blamed him, he blamed himself. Looking back now with my adult eyes, I see how hard that had to be on him. I can see why he married her. Why he made other similarly bad decisions.

Her, the woman I swore I'd never ever be. Too bad that women was around for my so called formative years. The years where I was desperately needing a female to connect with. Looking for anyone to bond with. 

She seemed so nice when my daddy introduced me to her. She had 4 girls. The youngest just few years younger than me. The second youngest that cool teen I wanted to be.

She seemed to really love my daddy and I was so happy he found someone to be with. So happy that he might for once be distracted from his demons. Someone who could help them go away.

I was 10 when he married her. 10. So close to the age where a girl really needs her mom. So close to an age that scared the hell out of my daddy. So he found her. I think he really cared for her. I couldn't say if it was love on either side. I see it as a solution to both their problems.

Him, needing a woman for his daughter. Someone to teach her things only mothers seem able to teach their daughters.

Her, needing or wanting a man. A man to care for her and treat her right. A man who wouldn't leave her for any reason, My daddy. A stand up man. For her and her 4 kids from her ex husband.

I lived through a lot of hell with that women. I thank God I made it out. I survived. I am stronger for it. 

My daddy really only knew how to work. Not much time for me and him but he did what he could. I remember motorcycle rides before he went to work the 3rd shift at the rail road. I remember a cold football game in his hometown. Lots of other memories of him and me. I don't think I ever complained once that all he ever seemed to do was work. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't and I was much wiser than my years.

Later, came the years I still to this day try to erase. Fight not to be. The woman she would have me be. 

The bitter, cold, good is never good enough, always find something to criticize woman. A woman who doesn't care who she hurts to get what she wants. What she wanted was me gone. What she wanted was me to become my mom. A woman who never ceased to tell me how awful I was. A woman who made sure I knew she hoped someday I'd end up like my mom or have no good for nothing step kids like me. Worse, was telling her something truly awful and unspeakable that happened to me and hearing her say to me at 15, "If you weren't such a rotten kid that would never have happened to you. Don't tell your dad, no one deserves to die for what is only your fault."

Yes, there are times I lose sight of it and I may say something similar to my kids. I say similar cause while I can be harsh sometimes I strive never to demean who my kids are. I know how it feels to be on the receiving end. 

The difference is I go and tell my kids I am sorry and what I said was wrong and uncalled for. That I will do better. Maybe they don't get it yet. I think they will. I think it helps them to know that mommy isn't perfect either. That anyone and everyone can and will make mistakes.

No, they don't know about all my past yet. Nor do they need to at their age. I am not sure they ever need to know it all.

What I hope they know, is that I love them so much more than I could ever say. I'd give my life for them if I had to. That I was there struggling with them.

I stump a lot of people because I can't be that parent who punishes first then asks questions. I cannot spank for every infraction. I send kids to sit in time out. I send them to think about what it is they are sitting in time out for.

I want to be what I imagine my mom would've been if she had lived. Gentle, understanding, teaching, correcting but always with love. Always with the understanding that some day these kids will be parents. The cycle stops with me. 

The kind that allows my son to yell and vent his frustrations. Then when the storm is over, talk about it.

The kind of parent that my girls know they can rely on. The kind that will always listen to whatever is on their mind no matter how hard it may be. 

The kind to teach them that their is a better way of parenting. To show by example that you can over come anything and be better for it.

The difference between her and me, is I know where that road leads. It leads nowhere. It just circles round and round, destroying all in its path. Even yourself.

The difference between her and me, is I am overcoming my past and making my future and my kids futures better.

The difference is, I don't want my kids to want to be me. I want them to be them. After all, I'm not my mom.  Better, I'm not step mother #2 either.


The Prompts:

1.) Write about a time you got in BIG trouble as a kid.
2.) Not your mother's do you parent differently than your mother did? Is it a good thing or a bad thing?
3.) Photo Story: Share photos of your most recent trip to the beach (maybe an excuse to go!).
4.) Write a poem about starting over.
5.) Your top 10 Summer Don'ts.

Bonus Vlog Option!

6.) Most bloggers have an About Me page...create an About Me video that will give viewers a quick glimpse into who you are and what makes you tick. Consider adding it to your About Me page!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Vlog Talk ~ Magazines & Mistakes

Linking up w/Jessica from My Time As MomElena from Mommy is in Timeout, and Kate from Mommy Monologues for Vlog Talk.

This week I'm talking about the magazines I read, or rather don't read. As a bonus I tossed in a parenting mistake.

Still trying to figure out iMovie. It still stumps me. I need a course in how to do the cool subtitles and add cool music to the titles...Who am I kidding? Hubby barely lets me have his lap top. I basically kidnap it when I can. ;)


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Crazy in my Head

So I'm just sitting here. Listening to iTunes trying desperately to remember what I planned to blog about. Which reminds me, I have gift card in my purse hubby got me that I haven't redeemed yet. No, it's not the one from My Purse Speaks post. Sheesh, I'm bad but not that bad y'all.

I think today I am just going to just enjoy being home with nothing in particular to do. It's nice feeling. I'm not going to allow myself to feel guilty for not doing anything. We all need a day where no housework is involved. A day where doing the bare minimum is ok. Otherwise, how do we stay sane? How do we not feel like we're on the brink of burn out?

Which reminds me, summer is coming up. Wild, crazy, and care free summer. Days that will all too soon be gone. Days I hope my kids look back on with fondness. Maybe even a few giggles of crazy summer antics. This kinda thinking really makes me not mind the need to go shopping for that dratted bathing suit.

Which reminds me, I really need to go shopping for Bridge's GS Twilight Camp supplies. She's really looking forward to it. I am too, sort of. I mean she's the first to go camp. Even if it is just for 4 hours for 5 days. She's so over the moon about her Twilight Camp, Day Camp, and 3 Summer Extreme events! Surely the 2 GS Summer Extreme events that are My Buddy and Me will be blogged about.

Waiting on info from Sean's Cub Scouts Leader bout what summer activities they have. I know one is care of the church's flower beds over the summer. Which reminds me that I need to look at that calendar and sign up for a day or week, which ever it is, I can't remember. Or remind hubby to do so at the next meeting. Which means, he'll need my pocket (purse) calendar so he knows what my schedule is. I think it's not just a scout parent thing but maybe something we can all help with as a family.

Which reminds me, given that Sean and Bridge have activities for the summer I really need to find/think of something for just me and Meggie to do. I wouldn't want her to feel left out just cause she's not a scout, yet. Wonder if she'll still wanna be a Girl Scout when she enters Kindergarten.....Probably. WOW! By then Bridge will be a Junior GS, I think.

Do y'all see what happens when I try to do nothing? Don't get me wrong, a day or moment when I can do nothing is awesome. The only problem is, it opens up my brain for thoughts to freely flow. Except, the only thoughts that seem to freely flow are those of things I need to do. The occasional fun thought, like OMG just over a month away from the NKOTBSB concert!! And, Dear God, please let me & Rach get together for a visit before then. I'm suffering from real BFF with-drawls here. Thanks.

Yup, crazy in my head all the time. Oh well, it works for me.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Writer's Workshop ~ Table Dancing Toddler Style

So due to a misplaced camera cable I'm linking up a bit late w/Mama Kat's Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop. Better late than never. =)

I chose the Bonus Vlog Option: Tell about a time your kid/kids made you laugh out loud.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

GS Be A Sister Picnic

For Wordless/Wordful Wednesday I wanted to share pics of Bridge from her GS Be A Sister Picnic w/another local Troop. 

There were several great pics but alas I can only show those of my Bridgette. I cropped a few of her cause I didn't get her alone much at all. You see, Bridge has yet to meet a stranger. She is a friend to all. At this picnic they were learning about what it means to be A Sister to Every Girl Scout. I think Bridge was showing by example that partly it means to be friendly to all the girls and not buddy up with just one or two. The GS Law is 10 parts. Be A Sister to Every Girl Scout is the last line. After this picnic Bridge and most of her Troop have now earned their full Daisy. Each petal of the Daisy represents a part of the GS Law they've learned. I know my Bridge can be a bit of a Diva but it warms my heart to see her break out of that when around others. Yes, she still has her moments and sometimes they're very public, but all in all she's showing me that she is listening, learning, and yes even at her age leading.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Vlog Talk ~ Ms P Drama's Kids Names

This week for Vlog Talk I want to discuss my kids and their names.

Sean Andrew 9 - usually just refered to as Sean
Bridgette Merielle 6 - aka Bridge or Diva
Meghan Aileene 4 - aka Meg, Meggie, or Mega Drama

This week I learned a bit bout editing on iMovie. I haven't yet figured out the cute subtitles on a single clip but I will, eventually. =) I had to work on this one quickly while hubby was running errands and his lap top was unattended. ;)

yes, I realized too late I forgot to put title on the photo album...Ooopsies

Linking up w/My Time As MomMommy is in Timeout, & Mommy Monologues

Friday, May 13, 2011

Writer's Workshop ~ Cast of Ms P Drama

This is Blog/Vlog Post is part of Mama Kats Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop. This week Mama Kat wanted to know who it is we blog about.

All I can say is you asked for it!

P.S. Hubby didn't want to be on camera but he was. Attempts to rectify this by redoing the video were unsuccessful.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Positive Tuesdays ~ Concert Tickets!

Yes, I realize this is Wednesday. I totally meant to do this blog post yesterday but it just didn't happen.

Anyways, this week's Postive Tuesday (Wednesday) is all about me! YES! ME!

Last week was fairly awesome week! Mostly because finally got to order my NKOTBSB tickets! Me and my BFF Rach are going in June to the American Airlines Center to see them! Shea never been to an actual concert before. (unless you count that summer we went to Six Flags & saw Kiss FMs concer thing) I've been to like 8. (including that Kiss FM summer concert thing) I've also been lucky enough to see a true legend, Loretta Lynn, in concert. But being able to go to NKOTBSB and take my BFF...WOW!

For those that may not know NKOTBSB stands for New Kids on the Block Back Street Boys.

NKOTB was the boy band of my late elementary and Jr High years. I so wanted to go see them in concert then. Was slightly jealous a friend of mine got to go. I knew better than to ask my dad if I could go. So I lived a bit vicariously through her.

Backstreet Boys was boy band in late 90s.

Last Friday I got the confirmation e-mail that the ticket seller confirmed my order. I was so scared I'd have to fond different tickets. You see, I didn't know about this concert til very late. So I couldn't get tickets from ticket master. Hubby found stub hub and voila tickets! Yeah, bit more than it would of cost if I'd known about the tickets sooner. I've just been out of the loop as far as concerts go. Thanks to Dancing with the Stars and NKOTBSB appearing on a results show I found out about the concert.

I'm just so excited! Probably doing a bad job of conveying that on this post.

Excited to finally she NKOTB in concert as super group NKOTBSB. Excited to take my BFF with me. Hubby is probably happy he doesn't need to go with me to see a group he could care less about. I know Rach is excited.

In fact, on my FB page I posted this status:

I'm such a dork (or whatever, but also happy one!) my NKOTBSB tickets have just been cofirmed! ***Happy Booty Shakin I Don't Care What You Think Dance!!!!***

That I think says it all. I mean seriously, what more can I say? Words fail me. I think the best part isn't so much the concert, don't get me wrong that's awesome, but getting to spend a day in Dallas w/my BFF w/no kids or husbands!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Vlog Talk ~ About Ms P Drama (sort of)

So this is a Vlog post for Vlog Talk by My Time as Mom and Mommy Is In Timeout and Mommy Monologues.

Basically I am fairly new to blogging and very new to Vlogging. I look forward to the chance to do more Vlogs.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Questions Kids Ask

Honestly, is there anything as mind boggling as things kids can say much less ask? Maybe, but I kinda doubt it. I'm sure y'all are probably constantly amazed as to what kids ask just as much as where you are when they ask.

This started off as a list of questions I've been asked while in the bathroom. It morphed into a bit more. Plus, hubby accidentally tossed original list. (Note to the wise: Don't jot down things on envelopes that can be mistaken as trash.) So, I began again...Some from memory some from new questions asked.

While in the Shower:

S: Mom, can I go to so and so's house?
Me: OF course you're gonna get fed!
S: NO! Can I go to so and so's house?
Me: I'm in the SHOWER! Wait til I get out to ask me things.

While on potty:

M: Can I play your iPad?
Me: I'm on the potty! Is this important right now?
M: No.


M: Mommy, where are you going? (note Bridge's GS Vest across my arm)
Me: I'm running away.
M: No you're not. You're going to Girl Scouts.
Me: If you knew then why'd you ask?

While in Bathroom attempting to shut door:

B: Mom, am I to be  commended?
Me: Dumbfounded look on face, not able to answer Bridge
B: Mom! Was I good at Girl Souts? Am I to be commended?
Me: Yes, you were very good. Now get out of the bathroom so I can go potty.

This is just a list from over the weekend. I didn't include the million times a day asked, "Mommy, what are you doing." This is pretty standard question and usually asked when the answer is obvious, like when folding clothes.

What are questions your kids ask?
What do they say that amazes you they know?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Writer's Workshop ~ Chaos Central

This is Blog/Vlog Post is part of Mama Kats Pretty Much World Famous Writer's Workshop.

This weeks prompts were:

1.) A memorable high school job.
2.) That time you ran away from home.
3.) A boy you had a crush on…where is he now?
4.) Ode to your mother…write about a special memory you have of your mom in honor of Mother’s Day.
5.) 10 reasons why you could not be a real housewife from any county.

Bonus Vlog Option!
6.) Last week we talked about how your blog got it’s name…this week show us where the magic happens! Where do you do your blogging? When does it get done? How long does it take to write a post? How much time do you spend on the computer? etc. Tell us about the process!

As you have probably deduced by now I have taken the Bonus Vlog Option.

So what I learned:

I am brave to appear on camera like this.
I am a fairly excellent multi-tasker.
I have no desire to be a real *snicker* housewife of any county.
I think I need to talk someone into operating the camera for me.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Sometimes Silly Gets Outta Hand

Sometimes kids just gotta be silly.


Mommy taking the picture needs to pay better attention

I told the kids if they sat for a few good pictures for Awesome Teacher they could have a silly picture. This has got to be one of the few times I didn't catch what was going on and that a certain someone didn't know what they were doing.

This has been a post for Wordless/Wordful Wednesday

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Positive Tuesdays ~ Teacher of the Year ~

Clearly this is not about me as I am not a school teacher. What it is about it something so awesome it almost impossible to comprehend.

I don't know who reads all my blogs or who doesn't so for this post no names will be mentioned. The teacher who's getting Teacher of the Year at her school doesn't know it yet. For this post will call them Awesome Teacher. (creative, I know)

My kids current teacher contacted me and told me about it and about how much they knew Awesome Teacher meant to my kids and our family as a whole. This teacher asked if I'd contribute something to a scrap book they were putting together for Awesome Teacher so they'd forever know how much they really meant to those lives he/she touched. There was no way I was going to say no. Teacher Awesome went so far above and beyond to help my kids and us. There's no way I could tell them how much it really meant to us.

For Awesome Teacher to get this honor makes my heart sing and know that all is right in the world. Awesome Teacher was the stepping stone for my kids to really truly embrace learning and believe they could achieve it. I cannot go more in depth as I don't want to risk any surprise being spoiled.

I may not be there when Awesome Teacher sees the photo of my kids and the letter that'll be written but I know it's sure to bring a smile to their face.

To all you teachers who may never be recognized in this way, please know that somewhere you have made a difference.

Parents, please never forget to thank your kids teachers every chance you get.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Sometimes I just wanna....

Sometimes I just wanna scream til I can't scream any more.

Sometimes I just wanna cry til I can't cry any more.

Sometimes I just wanna shake the people I live with and scream at them.

Last night was rough. In fact, the whole day was just off. It seemed that way for everyone in the house.

The morning started off with lots of screaming from Sean. It was about 10am. He was mad and let everyone know it. Why?

 Backtrack a bit, Saturday night we all went to Peter Piper Pizza (except for BIL, he wasn't home). It was a blast. One of the prizes Sean got from his tickets was a ninja toy set. I wasn't with him or I might have discouraged this choice. Nana, had no such issues.

So, yesterday morning he was playing with his ninja set. Meg was too. She accidentally hit Bridge with the nun chucks (or whatever they're called). This is when we all decided it was a toy for outside and that Sean needed to put them away or go outside to play with them. Simple, right? Nope. He went into meltdown over it for over and hr. We sat him in Pop's office. Told him he couldn't come out til he was over this screaming and fit throwing.

For over an hr we heard things like "I hate you!" "I hate it here!" "I hate my sisters! I want brothers!" "They don't love me! They love the girls more!" "Why can't we get our own house!" "I wish they were all dead!" "I wish I was dead!"

Luckily it wasn't a violent fit. We've learned when Sean gets like this it's really best to find a place he can safely vent and not try to talk to him or anything. If you try talking or anything else in this kind of moment he usually turns all that rage on the adult. We're talking hitting, kicking, biting, etc...

This seemed ok to all in the house. Nana and Pop generally stay out of it. We have an agree to disagree and don't interfere unless asked. We were all just pretty much ignoring it.

Then in comes BIL who is like can't you make him stop. I want to sleep in. I decided not to comment with what I really wanted to say. I'm not certain it came from him (BIL) but spanking Sean's butt was mentioned. Hubby pointed out how that would only make the fit worse and louder. I pointed out it also tends to make it more violent.

BIL grumble my head I'm thinking get the hell over it it's 10am!

It was fairly quite for rest of day. Everyone minding their own business and not really interacting with each other. Well, except for the kids. They played a little together but mostly they just swapped turns on computer, x box, and iPad. BIL took off to do goodness knows what. Pop was staying out of the way of Nana. Nana was doing her laundry and cleaning. I was taking day off. Didn't make kids beds. Didn't clean anything. Sean spent most of afternoon at friends house.

Peaceful, enjoyable afternoon.

Until dinner time.

We had dinner rather late, 8:30pm. Don't know why it just happened that way. Everyone was in a mood. The silent broody don't talk bout it mood. I thought it was something we did (hubs, me, or kids). Nana said it wasn't. I left it at that. Then she made some comment bout it being 9pm and we were eating dinner. Well, it wasn't quite 9pm and it was barely 8:30pm.

Then came Sean meltdown #2. He said he was done with dinner. We asked him to go get in shower. Simple routine happens every night. Enter irrational fit over shower.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER! The Girls didn't!"

We point out that the girls had baths earlier in the day. (Sun eve they fell into bed w/no bath) The girls were in the house all day and did't get dirty enough to require second bath.

Finally got him calmed from that one. Getting everyone in bed and stories read. Only not.

After tuck in, girls popped up few times cause Sean was. How'd they know? (they don't sleep in same room) It's not like Sean was quite bout the whole thing.

"I'm NOT TIRED!" "Stupid medicine hasn't kicked in yet!" "I hate medicine!" "My stomach hurts!"

By now I was getting frazzled. Hubby, not so much. He was handling it so well. Only Nana came in behind once and said "why don't you lay down with him?"

I look at hubby and said, "He's already in our room. Why should we have to lay down with him to make this stop?" Decoded that means, I want some quality time for us. Even if it is just us watching TV.

You can understand how difficult it can be living with 8 in a house. 3 of whom are my in laws. I love them like they're mine and they love me like I'm there's.

But over last 2 wks I'm getting really pissy that I have no privacy.

Sean is in our room. Fine, he ends up there in middle of night anyways. But this means that at bedtime, we cannot be in our room. One, because I have to be real tired to go to bed between 8:30p and 9pm. Two, I'd only want to read, play on computer, or watch movie. Don't even get me started bout other quality time with hubby. It was difficult before. Now it's down right near impossible.

Life would be so much easier if in laws would really take the time to understand Sean and why he does what he does. It's not so simple as a fit because he didn't get his way. He really does have problems. He really does need us to all be on the same team and playing by the same rules. I think that he either know or senses they're not buying into his diagnoses. This allows him to play us against each other.

I was hard enough to be going through all this with just us in our house. Now it's painful. I don't know how to change it. Talking to them and showing them what we've recherched doesn't help. Is it as simple as they don't want to admit they have a grand son who is bipolar/adhd/odd?

I don't know. But I do know that for as much as I wanna scream and cry I know it'll work out.

The sun does shine.

Most days I wanna laugh til my stomach hurts.

Most days I wanna smile til my cheeks hurt.

Everyday I hug and kiss my kids and thank God he sent them to me.