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Saturday, October 20, 2012

Horror Movie Fun

Let me tell you something about scary movies. I am not the scary movie type. Unfourtuneately, or fortunately depending on your view, I have a BFF who loves horror movies of all types. It's been her mission in life to drag me to one or show me one on video or Netflix. Thanks to her I have been brave and even watched a some others on my own every now and again when I am feeling brave.

Last week, me and BFF went to see Sinister. That movie freaked her out. I mean really freaked her out. It freaked me out, too. Pretty safe bet that all the other people in the nearly sold out theatre were freaked out too. You could tell by how many people screamed. Mostly girls, yes. One man even cursed out loud. And it was not the kind of movie either me or BFF could predict what was coming next. We totally went and hung out at IHop for a few hours. Did I mention the movie was a 10:35pm showing? Yeah. I got in bed at 5am the next morning. I got home at 4am. Hubs was out of town on a camping trip and my sister had my girls for the night. Home alone but for MIL/FIL who were asleep.

Now enter this weekend. Another friend invited me to go to the movies. She'd been talking about wanting to see House at the End of the Street. It was not nearly as scary as we were led to believe, or as she thought. Though she is totally just like I used to be. Not a horror flick person. That said, this movie is a bit scary in places. It had me jumping but not screaming. What I found really unreal is how I was able to telegraph, or predict, where the movie was heading and the twist.

BFF would tell you that I have gotten better at picking up on/seeing clues in movies. Even clues she missed. Did it when we saw Silent House and a bit when we saw Sinister. I wouldn't say it takes a rocket scientist to see clues. I am sure there's lots of people who do just that with movies all the time. I'm not usually one of them.

This is just a long way of getting to the point of this blog. Sorry, but back story was needed. I think.

I really enjoyed seeing House at the End of the Street. What made it enjoyable was not my friend who was with me trying to be brave. Nor the fact that I find horror flicks funny in general. Nope. It was the people in the theatre with us. The snarky teens/young adults seeing the film totally provided comic relief. One was talking loudly asking if anyone was likely to scream cause she probably would and wanted us to know. Others were commenting on not opening this/that door or doing this/that, etc...  Some may have called the main character a stupid so and so. Things like that.

I think every time I go or get dragged by BFF to a horror flick/psychological thriller we need to find some snarky teens/young adults to help fill up the theatre. That way anything actually scary would be downplayed by their commentary or comic relief. Usually people acting like that in a theatre would be annoying and make me grumpy. Tonight, that just wasn't the case. So maybe I'm on to something here. Maybe not. But it sure made for a fun evening.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Wannabe OCD Senses Get Triggered

I know, I shouldn't but little things get to me. Make my wannabe OCD senses tingle and go into overload. I'm not just talking your every day run of the mill someone didn't clear the microwave timer. No, it's more nerve wracking than that.

It's common sense stuff. And surprise surprise it's the same repeat offenders. 3 of them on any given day can be kids under the age of 18. 2 of them are frequently people over the age of 18. Both should know better. Hubs falls into that category. Well, maybe he just stumbles into it every so often and he's always sorry he did. By which I mean, I say something to him and he apologizes for said offense. BIL on the other hand, takes people for granted. Like hey, I live with Mom and she'll take care of it OR hey! sometimes it just magically gets done. (the magic being either myself or Mom taking care of it.)

The kids are learning and most of the time they do know better. If they leave something laying in the floor I asked or that they know shouldn't have been left I take them to it and point. Sometimes I may verbally remind them. But they know and attempt to clean up after themselves and are still learning.

Hubs used to be better about it til we moved into the in-laws and then well, ya know. He started slipping. So rather than yell at him about or gripe about it, I've learned a new tactic. One I should've learned long ago but well, didn't. Now, I just mention it to him or he sees me cleaning up something (like clothes left in the floor or wherever) and he says something like sorry didn't mean to do it. I can't make too much hulabaloo about it, after all it's his folks we live with.

I cannot however take this same tack with the BIL. Nope. And I know that Mom taught them both better. Trouble is, just as a Mom of youngins, she sometimes just does it cause it's easier. Easier than telling your 30 year old son to take care of his crap. Heaven help the woman who finally gets him. I shudder to think what his place would look like w/o magic elves going about tidying up what he leaves behind.

But then, there's also the case of BIL bitching if the dishwasher wasn't emptied or him putting dirty dishes into just cleaned dishes cause he didn't stop to asses whether the dishes were in fact dirty. Ya know, cause it's impossible to tell if someone like a kid has gotten a cup and left the latch undone. Or not notice you had to unlock the dishwasher to put your dirty dishes in. Or just think that no one got to putting away the dishes fast enough and now you are inconvenienced to have to do so.

So here's my list of things that drive me crazy that may or maybe not should.

1) Taking dirty non washed clothes out of the washer and throwing them on the floor and putting in your clothes to wash.  ~ Is it really so difficult to grab a basket from the hall closet to put them in OR put them in the basket that is already in the hall?

2) Picking up the bath mat after you shower AND cleaning up your water mess? ~ Hello! I am expected to clean up or make sure the kids have done so after shower, shouldn't you? Got news for you, magic elves do not pick up that mat and clean your water dripping cause you were not clever enough to get a towel before getting in the shower.

3) IF you happen to toss clothes at the basket in the hall way and MISS, how about picking them up? ~ Magic elves do not do this either! You know you missed the basket, don't let the rest of know you're a lousy shot. PICK IT UP!

3a) IF you do start some of your own laundry please remember to move it from washer to dryer. ~ Again, no magic elves. Some of us are nice enough to do it for you but it'd be nice if you tried to remember.

4) Don't complain about our noise when your tv or computer game can be heard from anywhere in the house. ~ Seriously!

5) If you choose to stay out late and sleep in DON'T expect me to keep my kids quiet all damn day long til you deign to rise. ~  Some day, Lord willing, you will have kids and you will know how futile this is. I may not say I told you so but I may laugh if/when this occurs.

5a) If you do stay out late, how about keeping the noise down. ~ You wake my kids, you are either watching them til they drop again or you are putting them back to bed.

6) Don't yell and curse at my dog! ~ Seriously, just like my kids if you have a problem you come see me. If my dog is silly enough to think you care that she is happy you are home, just keep walking and she'll let you be, probably. Really, just tell her down or go lay down. It could work. Also, no yelling at Mom's dog either.

7) Don't get all pissy if my dog or Mom's dog makes a mess in your room if you leave your door open. ~ I can't be home all day long every day and sometimes, just like kids, dogs have accidents. (sometimes accept that you have ticked them off and they are letting you know.)

8) Don't assume you know how to parent/handle my kids IF you AREN'T a parent or work with kids daily! ~ This goes double if you think you understand better how to handle my son than me. He's got legitimate medical issues (aka behavior and mood problems), what's your excuse?

9) Don't complain about what we make for dinner! ~ If you are not willing to provide a meal, whether you make it or order it, for 8 people DON'T gripe when it's not what you wanted or like. We don't have to feed you but we include you. Plus, there's the remote possibility we think leftovers would be okay.

10) IF you must leave your iced drink on the counter/table put it on napkin. ~ Ya know, cause there's no coasters for the counter or table.

10a) IF you have food or drink in the living room please clean it up when you are done. ~ You don't like it if someone else leaves trash/dishes in the living room, don't be a bad example.

11) Yeah, that microwave timer gets to me. ~ Just clear it. Not hard.

12) Keep your scissors away from my girls hair and don't take them to get their hair cut. (Okaying it with Hubs is not acceptable. He has no clue.) ~ Seriously! Between you trimming their bangs and the one or two people you/I paid to cut their hair, their bangs are all messed up. Yes, their hair looks horrid if not fixed. It's in the annoying process of growing out. I know you are just trying to help but in this case you're not. There is a reason why some of what looks like bangs is longer than what is bangs. I have one stylist I trust who is fully able to cut/trim the girls hair. Thank you. (clearly this one is a Mom thing and not a BIL or Hubs thing)

So, I'm complaining. Yes. But I really see it as therapeutically venting. It keeps me from going insane. What drives your wannabe or legitimate OCD senses into overdrive? Is this OCD or just pet peeves? Is there much difference between the two? Let me know.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Who's 8?

So, the 14th was my Bridgette's 8th birthday. I have no idea where the years have gone.

Suddenly she is so big and smart and well, talented. She reads very well, just as she should. But what is more amazing to me is how well she draws and really, she always has. She started at about age 3 tracing her toy ponies. We just keep encouraging her in little ways. You know, by providing supplies to draw/color with or on. Hanging up her art work. (we actually hang up all the kids random art and replace it when they give us new ones) Last year for Christmas, I believe, we bought her a how to draw horses book. She's used it so much she's had to tape it. That's right, she taped it back together. I just randomly found it one day. Smart I tell ya.

Dragons are her new thing

We took her to Fudruckers on Friday for her Birthday Dinner. We gave our presents that night but forgot to take pictures of her opening them. So, I took pictures when we got home. I figured better to let her have something to open on her birthday and a few less things we would need to bring back from her party on Sunday.

Princess Cadance from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic

New NIV Bible cause the one she got when going into Kindergarten has been put up a little too well.  And hey! It has a horse on it. Perfect.

New bracelet w/a cross inside a butterfly.

Speaking of her party on Sunday. Hubs decided it needed to be at Chuck E Cheese. We usually just go to our local Peter Pipers where most of us agree the pizza is much better. So to Chuck E Cheese we went. Hadn't been there in years. Turns out they redesigned it. Too bad they didn't overhaul their craptastic pizza. BUT the kids all had fun, so that's really all that matters. Me being ill today from the pizza not agreeing with me, small price to pay. Though I did notice 2 of my 3 kids really didn't eat any pizza at all. So, on the ride home we stopped at McDs drive thru. Poor Meg was so wore out she insisted on being carried, I gave in. The whole way to McDs all we heard was Meg saying, "I'm tired. I'm thirsty. I'm hungry."

Bridge did a really good job of talking and playing with everyone. She didn't even flip out too much when Big Brother Sean decided to help her blow out her candles before she did. We just relit the candles and she blew them out. No big.

Waiting to blow out the candles

Brother did what?! He blew them out before she could. Relit them and went on.

Cake before candle lighting.

When opening presents she genuinely loved everything she got and took the time to read the cards! She also thanked everyone. I had little prodding to do to remind her to say thanks. That makes me so proud. Really.

Dream Lites that matches her Pillow Pet

Jewelry kit

Card she noticed after she took out the DVD.

Cool horse shirt w/bible verse on it

We <3 Veggie Tales!

A Doodle Book for Girls

A binder of how to draw various things w/plain paper put together for her by my BFF! She loved this! 

Fleecy blanket. No more stealing mine.

Lava Lamp = Super Cool!

Although, I would like to point out that letting your kid blow a whistle inside Chuck E Cheese is not a good idea. Hey! It's loud enough in their with kids playing, crying, screaming, and what not, we really don't need to hear an annoying whistle, too.

Big kudos and loves to my BFF and to Hubs who allowed B's fake snakes from the prize counter be lost/have some horrid unfortunate accident. Even Aunt Julia tried to talk her out of getting them. She and I think alike about those awful fake snakes. *shudder*

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Rough Seas, Boat Still Afloat

Sean came home this past Monday. He had been doing well in the hospital. Meds were adjusted/changed. Had a splendid hour off the unit. We asked if he could come home on Monday so that the transition back to regular school might go smoother.

I'd really like to say that all is smooth and lovely but it's not. I'm sure that would not be the answer anyone with any sense would expect me to say. Unless, of course, I didn't want to talk about it or anything. It's been rocky to say the least.

Last night looked like it could go off the charts ballistic. It didn't help that I was already not handling my frustration of the day well at all. By the time the kids got into the truck from the parent pick up line I was on the border of crazy. Add 3 kids instantly all whining about this or that and it was going downhill fast. I got home and put myself in time out. Sean had lost a school library book and it was stolen by his sister. Forget trying to talk him out of that. He was adament Meg took it. Meg screehing her innocence. Bridge upset that how dare Meg get her box of chocolate for the school fundraiser and I should have known it was her permission slip not Meg's. Forget the fact that getting another slip would be easy. UGH! After the trip home and the ages long episode of insanity in the kitchen, I yelled "I'm going to time out!"

Brilliant example. Of how not to act. Got that all settled and worked out and then came dinner. HOLY COW what a mess that was becoming. I couldn't wait for it to be over and kids in bed. Which thank the good Lord went blissfully smooth without incident. While I might not have been on my game after school, dinner was much better. Hubs was there to back me up and even though he too was clearly grouchy we got it done.

I think Sean's meds are right or at least close to it. He seems less agitated and I guess more focused. But really, the focus thing is something they'd notice at school. So far so good. I do worry a bit about it seems he is more fidgety than usual but that he can sit in a spot for a bit and pays attention when you talk. Also, worried about this new thing the hospital mentioned that Sean was showing signs of fitting into, PDD or Pervasive Developmental Disorder. Not sure what that all is but we are finding out about it. Basically, it's Sean is physically 10 but in someways he's more like 5 or younger.

The best thing seems to be that so far we are a team around here. We all understand that it's not going to roses every day and that some days the ones that handle it the best are going to falter and need extra back up and maybe even understanding. Hubs had already been in touch with the school about setting up an ARD Meeting to discuss a better plan for this based on our new knowledge and concerns. That's usually something I would think to do. But before the dust could settle on getting him home, Hubs had put that into action. Not something he would normally do. I think even BIL is understanding that he has a role to play here, too. The role of involved Uncle. He sat down Tues evening and helped Sean and Bridge play Battleship with the special deck of cards. He sat there in the living room floor for over 30 minutes. It was awesome and made my day. I bragged about it to Hubs, a friend, and Mom. I hope BIL continues to do those sorts of things. Later that same evening we (Hubs, me, kids) played Uno Attack. A SUPER BIG HIT! Even Hubs enjoyed the several rounds we played and he was the one to say it was a hit!

Maybe last night was about each individuals frustrations and then the being told no friends houses and no games tonight. I was fixing dinner and cleaning up the kitchen floor (MIL used a spray cleaner on the floor that was too soapy and Daisy is in heat soo....) for the millionth time. The friends house thing is something that scares the shit out of me. The girls have friends they want to play with but who don't ask to if they can play or if they can play here. Sean has few friends and really doesn't handle social things well. Plus, all these kids get to play violent video games and we have done away with those. Our failed experiment of seeing if those could be an outlet. Yes, I know all the lectures on that. No, not every kid is the same. Blah blah blah... Moving forward. I worry that he can't say no or that he does and then a fight happens. Ya know?

All in all, we are still finding our way. Really no different than any other family. We just have a few extra things we struggle with. I still know we are okay. We are still a family and we all love each other even if we are made as hornets at each other. I know we are not going to let it keep us down or define us. Our sea may be rocky but our boat is still afloat.

Friday, August 31, 2012


So here I am sitting. Thinking. Worrying. Probably obsessing. My heart is just sick.

Sick that Sean is in the Child/Adolescent Psych Ward. Sick that he is there for the second time. Yeah, I know there are kids that a far worse off than Sean. Kids whose parents/caregivers are doing their best to understand and help their kid and sometimes that isn't enough, it seems. Flip side is that some parents/caregivers maybe could give a flying flip what got their child to that point and how to move on with better understanding and tools/techniques.

Sick that I think we are at a point where most all of us understand what is going on and what to do. Even understand that if we do not continue to stay on top of it all that it could get very ugly. Of course, no guarantees that even if the medicine is right and that we do the right things that another explosion could happen. Probably will. Nature of the beast of bipolar, or so I think I understand.

Sick that this is tearing everyone in this house up in a different manner. I know that I am a hairs breadth from crying at any given moment. But I am also determined to focus on solutions and the future. Looking back, not good. The past is the past. Learn from it. Move on. I see Hubs torn and trying to be strong and not show that he is.

At our visit with Sean today we realized, again, that we must be unified. A solid team of adults on the same page. That agree to disagree policy Nana has is no longer good enough. Maybe it's fine if she disagrees BUT she must not let Sean know she feels that way. Sean must see that we are one team and not divided. A talk with Nana is coming. Hubs was going to talk to Pop tonight about this. Then Pop or both of them would talk to Nana about it. How vitally important it is she gets it. That this is not about blame. Not about who said or did what and when. Not how I probably made him this way some how. Not about getting defensive because she thinks we think she's at fault. We all have a bit of the blame of not doing the right things or saying the right things and mishandling situations. I don't know of any parent or grandparent or caregiver that has always done the perfectly perfect thing.

Tomorrow we all go to visit Sean. Before the visit comes a family pow wow of sorts. With a counselor or some other qualified professional to sit with and talk about how serious this is with Sean. How serious it is that he seems to only be explosive with females. That he's less likely to take on males. But when mostly females in charge are around he will and does act up and test the limits. That it's probably not if he attacks me again but when. And it might not even be me. It could be any female. That we need a game plan for if/when it happens. One that he knows is deadly serious. Like, if he attacks again we call the police. Even if it's just a minor barely feel it punch. So he knows we can and will call.

I am obsessively thinking and worrying over this. I know this eats at Nana. Know it. I know she knows there is a problem. In the past she has thought it was just me/bad parenting. I think she is coming down off that stance. I think that living here in their has shown them what we were talking about all those years ago. Actually, maybe it wasn't so many years ago. Three years since his last hospital visit. We were getting treatment and help before that.

Anyway, we've, me and Hubs, have always been proactive in getting treatment and such. It's tough way to live. Some days it's really like waiting for that other shoe to fall. Now it's less about that and more about recognizing severe signs of trouble when we see them. So maybe we can avoid another hospital trip. Or worse.

Todays visit was tough. So tough in fact that we decided not to go tonight. I called Sean to talk to him and he immediately asked if I was on the way. I said no. He wanted to know if I was coming and when. Again, no. Immediate tears and whining from his end. Hello possible manipulation. Yeah, he could be upset that I wasn't coming but usually when he cries it's him trying to get you to do what he wants. Then is was all about how unfair our earlier visit was and focusing on stuff we had already along with staff told him was not acceptable. He was whining and crying then, too. I signaled Hubs it was time to go. A nurse had politely told us that it was perfectly acceptable to leave when he acts like this and send the sign that sort of behavior is wrong and will not get you what you want.

Alternatively, he seems to think this visit is a vacation. Keeps asking us to bring him things. Things that he does not have at home. Like he really wants the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. First time he mentioned it I said we'd see. After talking it over with Hubs we agreed that we were not against buying him books but we were not going to reward the behavior that led to the hospital. I feel strongly that is a good stance. I've only taken clothes, hygiene products, his Boys Life Magazine, and a thinking of you type card. He also has a book he took with him when we went to the hospital for evaluation/assessment.

I hate this bipolar thing. Really hate it. Hate ODD, too. Don't really understand either of them. Hate that it seems to be winning and dividing this family. Hate that it's not an understood/accepted thing. Hate that I feel isolate sometimes. Like a pariah. Like, Oh that's so and so's Mom and he's bad news. WTF?! If he had any other sicknesses or learning disabilities people would trip over themselves to understand or help. This bipolar thing is scary and it is real. The most dangerous thing is to feel isolated.

It's also dangerous to be unsure of yourself as a parent. That is where I am. I keep second guessing myself. Keep wondering what in the hell I did to cause it. Yet, knowing I did nothing but be his Mom. I am worried about what the future holds and if he really will attack me again. I am worried and scared that in the meeting tomorrow Nana will get defensive and play the blame game and not hear a damn word any of is hearing.

Of course, a lot of that is out of my control. All I can do is soak up as much understanding and techniques as possible and use them. Help teach them to others who live here and are in charge. Maybe others who do not live here and are sometimes in charge of my kids. And pray. I can pray. Pray that God will help me and all of us to understand and accept this and give us the strength to move forward. Pray we all come together for the sake of this little boy.

Maybe even have a hand in educating people out their about these sorts of things. Yeah, maybe that kid  in the store throwing a tantrum is just going through a phase. Especially if he/she's at that right age to be doing. But if that kid is not at the right age. Just maybe me talking about it will open up people to other possibilities. Rather than saying to yourself that mother (or whoever) has no control over that kid or how can they allow that? Just maybe you'll think that kid may have an unseen issue like bipolar. Just maybe you smile at that mother and don't judge. Trust me, we feel like we are judged all the freaking time. We also struggle with self confidence and fear. Fear to go out into the world cause we don't know what might cause our kid to lose it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

What?! This is Where We Are Right Now

I think the last time I posted anything here it was July. And it was just a post from my 30 Topics List thing. What can I say? Summer was a crazy mess and I had like no time what so ever.

This past Monday was the first day of school. YAY! 

Bridge (not smiling) ready for 2nd grade, Meg ready for Kindergarten, & Sean ready for 5th grade

What do you know, Bridge is sort of smiling in this one

I thought things would get better. They didn't. 

Monday evening, Sean and every other adult in this house had an altercation. Mostly a lot of Sean yelling and screaming and being extremely defiant and such. I really don't know what sparked it or anything as I was taking care of the girls. It ended with Sean asking to go to the hospital. He's been before and though he may have forgotten what it was like he knew they could help. I guess that's a good thing.

There was family pow wow and some of Nana trying to talk Sean or scare him out of his want to go. That was not really working and the more she tried the more adamant he was that something was wrong and he wanted to figure it out. Not too shabby for a 10 year old trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Maybe he can't say, "Hey my meds are off." BUT he is showing signs of knowing when all is not right. Good thing, yes?

Looking back, the signs were there weeks ago that he was way off. But none of the signs were close together til this last week. Really just since last Thurs. And what was showing up looked more like Tween stuff to us. I guess we really don't know what is normal Tween behavior and what is over the top. 

Example: 2 or 3 weeks ago we went to NRH2O (local water park) and Sean showed signs of what I now know is grandiose thinking. None of my kids really know how to swim and though the 2 oldest have taught themselves a little it is not enough for them to go to deep water. After a ride on The Viper with Bridge and Sean we made our way to the Wave Pool (I'm sure it has a neater name) where Hubs had taken Meg to hang out in the shallow end. Did I mention Hubs cannot swim? I am the only one of the 5 of us who can. But he's good for hanging out in the shallow end and keeping kiddos safe. Both Bridge and Meg had life vests on and were happily jumping waves and splashing in the shallow area that I said they needed to stay in. Sean decided that he did not have to stay in his area and took his inner tube and went to over 6ft water which when the waves are going is really deeper than that. While telling the girls to go to Daddy and stay I went to drag Sean back. One small problem. Out of the corner of my eye I see the girls following me. I guess they trusted that if they were with me they were safe. I stopped and told Sean to come back to me. He didn't. I go to get him again and see that Meg and Bridge are not going back to Daddy, though they did stay where they were, and Meg was losing against the waves. I go to her and haul her out of the water for all I am worth and tell Bridge to get to Daddy NOW! To get her going I grabbed her vest and propelled her towards him. Gave Meg to Hubs and got Sean and gave him what for. We really thought it was just arrogance and defiance to show us he could do just what he pleased and he could handle the deepest area of the wave pool. Lesson learned. 

Weeks before that incident was a day from Hell for a good friend of mine who watched the kids while I went to have 3 wisdom teeth extracted. But again, not over the top enough to get our attention. 

After a angry outburst and attack a couple weeks ago at a family function where I narrowly missed a kick to the throat we called the dr. Dr appt was soon and we just adjusted the times we gave meds. That seemed to be okay.

Enter Monday before last when Sean went to his Dr appt. We discussed the violent incidents and one of his meds was upped. A new one was added. One was moved to just as needed. All to be taken at night. To help with sleep and to help curb the aggressive behavior. For one reason after another with the pharmacy and the dr office being closed on Wednesdays, meds were not filled til last Thursday. Before his new doses and new med he had a meltdown at a local restaurant when I gave him an adult menu and a kids paper menu w/colors so he could draw and what not. His first reaction was to yell at me that he hated me and wanted me dead and he always ordered ribs with Dad. All because I dared to give him a kids menu. No asking if he could order off the adult menu or asking why he had a kids menu. Nope, he went ballistic. Didn't last long. Hubs got there (we were meeting at the restaurant) and calmed him down and asked Sean if I said he had to order off the kid menu. Rest of dinner was good. 

Last Friday and Saturday had no issues. Kids stayed the night at a friend of mine's apartment. She reported no real trouble.

Saturday evening we get home and low and behold all kids have left there toothbrushes. So, I say let's go to Target to get some new ones. Sean starts to throw a crying fit how he doesn't want to go and we just got home. I tell him there is no one home to stay with him and he has no choice but to go. He just cries and complains but gets in the truck. 

Get to Target and the toothbrush aisle and commence beginning of mega meltdown. He gets pissed that I will not buy a him a toothbrush like mine and won't buy a kids electric toothbrush. Yells at me that he hates me and will not brush his teeth and yanks the toothbrush he chose from the choices I gave him out of my hands. I shrug and say okay. Meg asks to get in cart and I put her in the cart where she curls up with her blankie. Retrieve toothbrush and off to the wine aisle. I wanted those little one serving bottles so I wouldn't have to open a whole bottle. Here is where I should have just changed the plan I made in my head when I headed to Target. Just before the wine aisle Sean yells he hates me some more and he wants me dead and oh by the way I hate God and I hate this medallion (Nana gave it to him and told him it represented the Holy Spirit and would protect him or something like that). He takes medallion off and attempts to toss it on the floor but I get it before that. I tell him to put it back on as it is important to Nana. Mistake. More hindsight, I should have just put it in my purse when I got it from him. As I turn to get the wine he punches my back from behind. I tell him he has no right to hit me and better not do so again. He yells for help and none comes. He attempts another punching attack. I avoid it and grab his arm. Probably shouldn't have but I pulled his pants down and busted his butt good. 

Proceed to walk away to check out while pulling out my phone and sobbingly telling Hubs I think he needs to come home from where he's at (out of town at a coin show). He asks to talk to Sean. I mention he's attacked me and I am seriously considering taking him to the hospital. He asks me to just go home. By now we have made the checkout and I have found the shortest line. Sean looks at me and yells "YOU'RE A F***ING A**HOLE!!" and he punches me for all he's worth in the shoulder. I take the phone and tell Hubs conversation over. By now the clerk has totaled my items and with tears and embarrassment in my eyes I pay for my items. Clerk says it's okay and hands me my things wine and all. What a cliche I must have looked like. 

As we are headed for the truck I call a friend who lives not far away and ask her to please come over and sit with the girls as I may have to take Sean to the hospital. She says she will. Between her and me we convince Hubs he needs to come home. In the truck on the way home I am praying that we get home safely and God will get Sean to calm the heck down. At this point, Sean is kicking and punching and pulling on the seats in the truck. 

Get in the house and he goes to attack me again. I push him away from me and tell him to back down. I am furious and know I can no longer handle him. I tell the girls to get their baths then go to their room and put on a movie. I tell Sean to sit down in the living room, office, or Nana's room. I take the dog out and walk her up and down our street with silent tears still streaming. Of course that's how a neighbor would see me and ask if I was okay. I lie and say I am fine and she knows I am lying but says she hopes I feel better soon. 

Enter the house and Sean says sorry. I say I do not want to discuss it and that he needs to go get a shower. But first I give him his meds. Then he goes to shower. And he's entered sulk mood. 

I think it's over and that all will be okay and all we need to do is call the dr. After my friend got here I took out a bottle of wine and gave her one, too. We talk while I sob and she tells me she's called her boyfriend to come over, too. We talk and wait.

Sean is settled in the office where I tell him he needs to stay. I think I let him watch TV, I'm not sure. When he's finally getting sleeping, like over an hour later, he demands to go to his room. I tell him he has choice of office or Nana's room. He says, "NO!" I tell him then the choice is now mine and we are going to the office. I will bring his blanket and pillow but he will go to the office and stay. This is where he makes to attack me again. This is where friend's boyfriend steps in and calmly sits and talks with Sean. Meanwhile, my friend is reading a story to the girls and getting them tucked in. 

Hubs gets home and they leave. Sean gets tucked in and we go to bed. We all know we should have gone to the hospital then but we didn't. 

Sunday was uneventful. Just me bone tired and trying my best to fake happy. No such look since I look like hell. 

Monday was uneventful. I mean with the exception of the 1st day of school. Where apparently Sean had yelled at a teacher cause of a change in where they sat kids w/sibs for parent pick up. We discuss it and all is calm.

Monday evening he yells at Pop and Rob about being told to walk Daisy while I am giving the girls a bath.

By late Monday night after our family pow wow we leave for the hospital. We are all in agreement and Nana is wavering but has given in. Yes, it is our decision not theirs but we told them we needed to be unified and whether or not you agreed you had to make Sean believe you are a team player. My point was that if Sean was asking to go and given all that had happened in recent days he should go to the hospital. I saw it playing out that Sean would continue to push and do whatever action it took to get him to the hospital and it was better for us to go now. Let the hospital decide if he needs to be admitted and then it is not us saying yes or no. 

By 2 am we knew he was going to be admitted. At 3am on the way home I am emailing the school to let them know he will not be in school for several days. (so I don't forget to do) By 4am we are home and in bed. By 6:30am we are up and getting the girls ready for school. By 8am, I am home and back in bed. 

This is where we are. Sean in the hospital and playing the med adjustment and observation game. I am filling out more paperwork and getting more info on what we are doing. 

I am numb and just trying to cope and stay strong. Knowing we made the right call, even if it was late in coming. 

Apparently another sign was that Sean was talking all the time and not stopping and jumping subjects like crazy is a sign of manic state.

I am out of words. This is not where this story ends. I just have to let all this out. Bipolar in kids/pre-teens, tweens if you like, is something I am not sure I'll ever understand. It presents differently in kids. Same symptoms but cycles faster and is harder to catch.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

30 Topics ~ My Most Embarrassing Moment

Ok, so it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I really haven't had any ideas on what to post. Complete ideas, I should say. So, I'm going back to The List.

~ The List ~ 

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for. 

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment

So what is my most embarrassing moment? I am not sure I could pick one out. So I'll make a list of embarrassing things that have happened to me and y'all can decided which is more mortifying. 

In no particular order:

1) Once in High School I was talking to a friend while walking down the halls and I saw a cute boy. Would've been nice if my friend had thought to warn me about the brick wall I walked right into. Or maybe she was distracted as well? Sad boy laughed and did not even ask if I was okay.

2) My Senior year in HS I was our school's Mascot for the Varsity Cheerleading Sqaud. During a Pep Rally I accidentally, I swear it was an accident, punched a teacher in the nose. Our Mascot uniform was hard for this short gal to see out of and he said something to me and as I turned around, WHAM! Oops. It was a teacher that I liked and respected, as did most of the school.

3) Had to go deliver something to a teacher and as I walked out I tripped over the cord of his lamp and broke it. Did I mention that the room was dark cause the class was watching a video? OR that it was the same teacher I accidentaly punched at the Pep Rally?

4) Once when I was about 11 I got my pony tail stuck in my sister's car window when I went to roll it up. Not sure how that happened exactly. And maybe it's not really an embarrassing thing but to me at the time it was. I also recall saying quiet blandly, "Oh gee I got my hair stuck in the window."

5) I've also once or twice hit my head with my own car door. Not sure anyone so those things so maybe not truly an embarrassing moment.

6) My Junior year in High School out of the blue I sneezed quite loudly and with copious amounts of snot onto my desk and economics book. Of course no one handed me a tissue and I had to excuse myself from class. Took a long while to live that one down. 

7) Once in Jr High, the 7th grade to be exact, in math class I let out the loudest most god awful fart you can imagine when I picked up my dropped pencil from the floor. Lucky for me the boy who sat in front of me was well known for doing those sorts of things all the time. So, I quickly said, "Oh *insert made up name* How could you do that!!! GROSS!!!!" As I scooted my desk as far back and to the side as I could. Again, maybe not really embarrassing since I blamed another. It was kind of funny since he was all like WTH?!  and insisting it was not him. Which of course only made him look more guilty.

Well, there you go. That's all off the top of my head. I am sure I've had embarrassing moments as an adult, I just cannot think of one.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Brownie Smile SWAPS

I am not terribly crafty. Lucky for me I can be taught. It helps to have a daughter who loves to draw and do anything resembling crafty. It's also helpful to have a daughter that is a Girl Scout cause they do lots of crafts. One of the biggies is SWAPS. SWAPS = Special Whatchamacallit Affectionately Pinned Somewhere.

Bridge is now a 1st year Brownie Girl Scout. Last summer she went to one Twilight Camp, one Day Camp, and 3 Summer Extreme Events. As a 2nd year Daisy at that time we hadn't had a bunch of experience in making or trading SWAPS. So it was like a crash course for us. For her Twilight Camp and Summer Extreme events she didn't need SWAPS. Hubs took her to Day Camp and was informed that she would need X amount of SWAPS by Friday. He was all like OK. When he told me, I was all  What The Heck do we make & how? BUT, we managed it. I went to Hobby Lobby to get some ideas or have inspiration strike. Budget was slim. Enter foam shapes. One idea led to another and we made foam shapes w/buttons on them. The buttons represented the Friendship Circle. VOILA! Our first SWAPS we made. They were not the bestest things ever but we had made them. I don't have a picture to share of em but maybe you can picture it, a bit.

This year, I actually thought ahead. I asked Bridge if she would like to make Brownie Smile SWAPS out of bottle caps for camp. Since she was a Brownie now and there's that cute Brownie Smile song. She got all kinds of giddy. 

Begin planning process. Thanks to a genius friend who told me you can buy bottles caps at a home brewers' shop. So I did. Twice. 

Since I am a beginner, or whatever might be before beginner, crafter I had no idea how to paint bottle caps. I was sure acrylic paint would work. Not so much. The paint chipped and scraped off when I stupidly put them back in the gallon ziplock after they were dry. We had already started and finish it we were going to. So, bought another batch of bottle caps and we started over. This time with tips on how to make the paint stick and seal it. 

We scratched the backs lightly with fine sandpaper. (I have since been told that a metal primer can be bought and used OR that online they can be purchased already colored) Painted them with acrylic paint in Earth Brown. Let them dry. I went back over them with Mod Podge to seal the paint. Turns out, the paint still chips if hit just so but oh well. We were going to glue flat pins on the backs anyways. 

For the inside of the caps we painted them with acrylic paint in either Sunshine Yellow or Tangerine. When that dried we used paint pens in Silver and Black to make eyes and big smiles. When that was dried, I used the Mod Podge again to seal it.

We then hot glued flat pins to the backs. I had a friend over helping me and it was nice little visit. We used low heat glue guns with glitter glue sticks. I am not comfortable with letting my kids use hot glue guns yet, so having my friend over was a big help since 159 bottle caps can be a lot to do yourself. She also helped write on the little baggies, too. 

I can't say this is probably the best way to paint bottle caps but I am not unpleased with how they turned out. They are pretty darn cute if I say so myself. Maybe some more experienced crafter will know a better technique.

EDIT: After camp Bridge told me that they had problems with the pins breaking off. Maybe it was the hot glitter glue? So maybe we should've used regular hot glue? Super glue? I don't know. Just an FYI, if you will.

Bridge painting our first set of bottle caps
Meggie painting our first set of bottle caps
The aftermath of our first painting session. After I had tidied up a bit.

The backs of our painted and sealed 2nd set of bottle caps drying

The painted insides drying

Our smiling bottle caps painted and sealed drying

Finished yellow one. 

Finished back

Meggie putting Brownie Smiles into baggies. Just love her face!

Bridge putting Brownie Smiles into baggies.
Brownie Smile SWAP ready to go