It Is What It Is But It Doesn't Have To Be

It is what it is but it doesn't have to be.

There are things I want to know. Things I need to say. I know I'm a strong person. I pray for the strength to say what needs to be said. I pray for patience for those that I have to deal with but would rather not.

I wish my family was close. I know we love each other but I think we're all looking at the past with different rose colored glasses. Burying the truth. Pretending it isn't what it is. Some not even seeming to see the toll it takes on me.

I want to know my family like my hubby knows his. I want to feel that bond. I don't need their version of what happened all those years ago. I don't need to be a part of the drama between the sides. I'm in the middle. I'm part of each side.

I'm not to blame for the past. I once thought I was. It took a very great friend, time, and faith to make me see it was not my fault.

I don't need to know or rehash what happened to cause this split. I simply want to belong again. Feel like I am truly a part of the family and not just an after thought.

It shouldn't matter to them what they think of my daddy or my hubby. It should only matter that we've wasted so much time.

Time they could've been telling me what my Mama was like as a girl. What she was like before what I am sure was Depression then Postpartum Depression or even Postpartum Psychosis took over. I need to know these things from family.

Once a few years ago, not more than that I'm sure, a friend of my Daddy's told me I had my Mom's mannerisms. Really? Those things aren't learned? You see, my Mom, as some know, died when I was 5 months old to the day.

I would love to know how much of her is in me that I'm not aware of. Is she in my girls? Beyond the physical and blood things, of course.

How do I reconnect? My 18 year old self tried desperately to belong. In my twenties it was drifting. I finally stopped trying. It was much to painful to feel rejected.

How do I avoid feeling like I'm in the middle of an ongoing silent war? My Daddy gets very upset if I talk bout them. Almost makes me feel like a traitor. It shouldn't, I know. I am not certain what they think of my Daddy. Why can they not just accept that I am my Mother's daughter, too? Let the past go. At least when and if we are ever together in any way.

I can have realtionships with them all. It isn't necessary for them to like Daddy or Daddy to like them. Isn't necessary to make me feel like I have to be everyone's defender.

Get to know me. Love me for me. If you love me, want to be a part of my life, then you can surely put aside your pain and bitterness of the past. Even if it's only while you're around me.

In my prayers I remember all my family and pray they let the pain/bitterness of the past go. It's the only way forward.

I've reconciled myself to being that Miracle Baby and a Survivor. I could use my past as an excuse for many things but I don't. Instead, I learn from it. I know I could just as easy go down that same path. That one of my kids will be fighting this same thing, too. I feel the past struggles prepared me for this fight. Prepared me to make sure my son knows he is not alone. To know that we know so much more today than yesterday.

I could go on forever. Really. But my heart is telling me this is enough for now.

For now all I can do is breath. Live one day at a time. Be consistent in my faith and prayers.

It is what it is but it doesn't have to be.

And just cause I think it's fitting

Also, late link up with Mama Kat and her fab Writer's Workshop.

The Prompts:

1.) A mom fail moment.

2.) Top Ten Reasons Bacon is Awesome prompt.

3.) Songversation. Take a current song that teens and tweens are listening to, share the lyrics, and offer a conversation that you might have with your child about the song.

4.) Write a post that begins and ends with the same sentence.

5.) Top ten reasons why you’re glad you’re done with school.

Inner Turmoil

Parts of her missing. Daily she questions it. She knows it's not spoken of. She wants to shout to those who bury it. Truly begin to heal.

Linking up with Write on Edge who gave the promt:
This week’s assignment will require the fewest number of words ever: we want you to write a story – your choice of topic – as a tweet.


When I saw this I knew I had to give it a try.

My Take on New Girl & Terra Nova

Be still my heart!   


That is what I said or rather thought when I received notice via email that I was eligible for a Klout Perk. 


I had the chance to be a FOX VIP. This perk was described as:


FOX and Klout are inviting select influencers to preview episodes from two of FOX’s new Fall series and to see what it’s like to be a FOX VIP. Participants will receive a FOX VIP hoodie and early access to the first episodes of NEW GIRL and TERRA NOVA! Additionally, the most active members will be selected to be a FOX VIP for the 2011-2012 TV season, with access to new FOX shows, one-of-a-kind FOX VIP merchandise, exclusive content to share with their networks, and maybe even a chance to meet some of their new favorite FOX stars!


It may sound silly to you, but to me it was so freaking awesome. I never ever thought I'd get to see early screenings of anything ever. I mean, I'm no celebrity. Plus, that hoodie is comfy. I tried it on and dreamed of the fall weather so I could wear it. It's like a bazillion degrees here so I didn't leave it on long. But still, I imagine it'll get lots of use when Fall does get here. And not to be over looked is that last part, potentially getting to meet new FOX stars! OMG! I know I sound like a complete dork or something but whatever. 


Brilliant idea by Fox and Klout to promote the new FOX Shows this way. Twitter and Facebook are powerful and fun tools. How many times have you heard, ok read it, on Twitter or Facebook before you hear/see it on the news? Exactly. 

 New Girl  Premiers Tues Sept 20 9/8C

First I watched New Girl. How can you go wrong with Zooey Deschanel? I just knew I'd love this show. Ok, so I hope I would. I loved her in Failure to Launch (she totally makes that movie, no ill will to Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew McConaughey intended) and in Tin Man. Those are the only two movies I recall her in. Meaning it's the only two I've seen her in.


In New Girl Zooey Deschanel plays Jess. Due to some unfortunate embarrassing incident she ends up looking for a new apartment. She eventually moves in with 3 single guys. Rather a bit like Three's Company flipped around. Jess is quirky with that certain something. It's hard to put a word to it. I say Jess is a mix of Kit from Failure to Launch and DG from Tin Man. It's that quirky but perky bubbly kinda something. That may not be the best description but it seems to fit, as far as I'm concerned.  The guys are Nick, Schmidt, and Coach. They all have their quirks, for lack of a better term. Seems that they all need and will benefit from each other. I know I am not doing this show justice as far as descriptions go but I do encourage you to look it up, read about it, but most importantly watch it when it airs. New Girl premiers on FOX Tuesday, September 20 at 9/8C. With the over abundance of reality shows, crime and medical dramas, of which some I am a fan of, New Girl promises to be a refreshing change. 

Terra Nova Premiers Mon Sept 6 8/7C 

As for Terra Nova, I must confess that Sci-Fi shows are not really my thing. I watch them and sometimes I  do like them. Hubby loves Star Trek, I can take it or leave it. In fact I even told hubby this show would probably be right up his alley. I'm not certain I recognize any of the actors/actresses in this show. You may.  They are Shelly Conn, Christine Adams, Stephen Lang, Landon Liboiron, Allison Miller, Jason O'Mara, and Naomi Scott.


It's about the human race and Earth dying. In order to save the human race people are being sent back to Prehistoric Days with the dinosaurs. In the hopes that the human race can save itself and once again prosper.


As I watched it, I must confess that it started drawing me in. So much so that I can hardly wait to see Part 2 of the Terra Nova premier. In the first hour we learn that it is 2149 and that Earth is no longer a healthy beautiful place to be. Families of four are ok, more than that against the law. The main characters have broken this law. The father goes to jail. When he learns his family, minus the littlest one, are being sent to Terra Nova a plot to break out commences. They all safely, if only by the hair of their chins, arrive in Terra Nova. As they are adjusting and acclimating we are introduced to other characters who I am sure will be very important in the coming episodes. 


While watching Terra Nova I was taken aback by the look of it. No surprise since Steven Spielberg is among the producers. That as much as the cast of characters and the story drew me in. Had me rooting for the success of this family and the human race. As odd as it may sound it kind of reminds me a bit of The Postman and Mad Max. It doesn't have that look but the feel of the world changing, struggling, and the human race trying to survive any way they can. We also learn that Terra Nova is not the only colony. One of the other groups sent to Terra Nova broke off and formed their own colony for reasons not yet revealed. 


Even if you're like me and not the biggest fan of Sci Fi anything, I do suggest you give it a try. You might just find yourself pleasantly surprised as I did. Terra Nova premiers on FOX Monday, September 26, at 8/7C in a 2 hour premier.

Necessary Disclaimer: 

I was given a free product or sample because I'm a Klout influencer. I was under no obligation to receive the sample or talk about this company. I get no additional benefits for talking about the product or company.

http://klout.com/perks/disclosure

Say What?

 Common Sense, Back to School, Throw Up, & Spilled Fabric Softener

So last Thursday (8-18-2011) I took this photo. I Tweeted and Facebooked it. (In case you missed it)

Maybe Common Sense is not such a forgotten thing after all?

       
I thought it was worth sharing on my blog today. I love that it says "Common Sense Caution". I also thought this would be Pinterest worthy IF I were on Pinterest BUT I'm not, yet. Apparently it takes an invite and I'm still waiting. *sigh* (Should I have said that? :-/ )



Monday was the first day of school for my kids.

They say, "Do we have to do this every year?" Yes we do.

So, I took this photo. For the first time ever all of my kids are in school. Sean is a 4th Grader, Bridge a 1st Grader, & little Meggie is in Pre K. They make such a cute bunch. They seemed rather ready for school. Love it.

I woke up this morning to Dave telling Sean (rather loudly) to go to the bathroom. Moments later discovered he threw up (thankfully no pic of this) on his pallet in our room then by Dave's side of the bed. (Is it wrong that I'm happy he shared so well?) Took a peek at the clock, 4:00am. Awesome.

Dave cleaned up the mess while I started tossing things in the laundry and made sure Sean was not running a fever. He wasn't. We think it's just sinuses. But since he was up and down 3x over 2 hours we decided to keep him home today.

At around 5:00 am (ish) I heard a big boom but thought it was Dave. (No I do not want to explain that). A bit later, 5:50am to be exact, I walked to laundry room to switch loads. This is what I found.

At least it's not puke. 

Is it odd that my first thought was "Damn! My Shark Steam Mop died and I haven't got a new one yet."?
I blame Mommy Brain for me tweeting how to clean it up w/o a mop.

Me (@LittleMsP): Anyone know how to clean up a whole bottle fabric softener spilled on tile floor? Anyone? We do not own a regular mop in this house, btw.

Thanks to @NicoleFree for this: Use your bath towels to soak it up, but wash them right away so they don't get stained from fabric softener.

Gotta love this tweet from @redheadstepmom: @LittleMsP do you have a dirty, furry pet of some sort?

What more to say? It's almost 7:20am I'm typing this and Dave has taken the girls to school. Here I sit with finally something to blog about, sort of.

I was thinking that surely I'd become a social maven when all the kids started school this year. I'd be able to do whatever I wanted. Facebook and Tweet all day if I like. Have the ability to blog without being interrupted or feeling like I was ignoring anyone. So far, none of that has come true. Instead, I tweeted less, my klout score went down a whole 2 points. I couldn't think of anything to blog about. Rather, words to go with ideas.

Thank goodness for Wordless, or not so wordless, Wednesday and for lovely tweeps always ready to help or give ya a good laugh.



EDITS:  
Thanks @FarewellStrangr for the Piniterest Invite. =) Now I have something new to explore and love. You should check out her blog Farewell Stranger.

Added @redheadstepmom as the tweeter of fluffy pet tweet.

Not Crazy Just Human

Today started rough to say the least. I just woke up irritated. Maybe because I woke up late. 10 am is very late to be waking up when you have 3 little ones running around. Picture this, one full bowl of cereal uneaten, an empty bag that had chocolate donuts in it, two toy bins dumped from bed room to living room, Sean yelling at Bridge to move, and Meg swearing she's starving (of course she is since the uneaten bowl of cereal was hers.) I'm not proud to say that the first thing I did was start yelling like a crazy woman.

Mostly I was mad at myself for not knowing the kids were awake. We have this hurricane type fan in our room and it's great for keeping the room cool but it also drowns out noise from rest of the house. Thus, hard to tell when kids are awake unless they are fighting and screaming loud enough for people in China to hear.

Now reflecting back on it, I wonder what the hell is up with me? Next week can't get here soon enough to suit me. Surely the kids feel the anxiousness of getting back to school. I've been feeling overly exhausted for days. Thought maybe I was coming down with something. My conclusion, I'm exhausted because I'm trying to be everything to everyone and forgetting that I need to take care of me. I need sleep. My kids need me to be on my game. I need to be on my game cause let's face it, kids are the ultimate never know what you're gonna get from one minute to the next some days.

Dave works late into the night on his coin stuff and I feel the need to try to wait up for him. I woke up at 1am still connected to my iPad and no Dave in the bed next to me. Just Sean. As I was taking my shower this morning and calming down from my crazy mama rant it hit me. Through the tears it suddenly became clear. I need to retrain myself to sleep w/o Dave. 15 years of marriage. At various times due to jobs he's had that required him to go out of town often or work when most of us are sleeping I've slept alone. But that's been years ago. I've gotten spoiled with him most always being around working from home, so to speak. During the day he runs around buying or selling inventory. Or taking care of things like getting the kids registered for school. He's great like that. He, like the kids, deserves to have me be on my game and not some crazy woman who yells at everything.

I'm not proud of my actions this morning. I apologized for to my kiddos and my husband for going off the deep end. For the kids, an added lesson of hey we're all human and it happens. We reviewed that dumping two bins of toys from one end of the house to the other was wrong. Fixing a bowl of cereal and then deciding not to eat it, wrong and wasteful. None of that is acceptable. Then we talked about how it's okay to wake Mommy up when you wake up. In fact, I encourage them to do so. BUT I'm no idiot, if I'm up they get away with much less so of course they prefer me to be none the wiser as to what they're up to.

I think we're all ready for school to start. It'll give me the freedom to have a nap during the day while I adjust to going to bed at a decent time w/o Dave. Plus, I'm way more efficient at cleaning when kiddos are not running around famously undoing what I've just cleaned.

Days like today are rare for me but they do happen. I'd venture to guess they happen to other parents, too. How many of us are able to talk about our not so grand moments? I'm not perfect. Just human. These days while few and far between happen. It's how it's handle and how we move in that nakjes a difference. I DO NOT yell all day everyday. I'm happy to embrace the act of time out either for them or for me.

I'm not crazy, just human. Okay, maybe I can be the good kind of crazy sometimes but that's it. In case you're wondering, school starts here next Monday.

Clay Bowls Full of Love & Memories

So this summer Bridge was a busy Girl Scout Daisy. As you can imagine we were busy parents. She had a Twilight Camp, a Day Camp, and 3 Summer Extreme Events. She worked hard (with some help from us) to sell cookies. She met her medium goal of 500 packages sold. She picked her events. Dave and I discussed them and decided we'd make sure she could do all 5. Originally I was going to volunteer at the camps but then I found about my Daddy. Not wanting to make a commitment I couldn't keep we paid what the Cookie Bucks didn't cover. I cannot thank Dave enough for working hard and making it work. It was a great summer of events. Sure to keep reinforcing hard work pays off. Plus, she's so proud of her vest and talking about how she earned all the patches on it. So for the time being Girl Scouts is a big interest to her.

Today I am talking about her first Summer Extreme Event. Just for the record, two of her three Summer Extreme Events. My Buddy and Me is just what it says. Bridge and one other adult person. I was signed up as her Buddy for both her My Buddy and Me Events.

Her first Summer Extreme was called Klay Kids. We learned how to work with clay and form shapes. We made bowls. It was fun and a great learning experiecne. I was impressed how well she was following directions and forming her bowl. The clay was all prepared for us. So, all we had to do was flatten it and roll it out. Lucky for both of us, and probably most everyone there, we didn't have to free form the bowls. There were molds. Big molds for the girls as they would be slightly easier and various other size molds for the Buddies. I helped Bridge roll her clay out and that was about it. She helped me decorate mine. Neither of us noticed that we stamped the frogs on mine upside down. But I don't think it matters much at all.

Those bowls are proudly displayed in the living room. They're wonderful memories of the fun and learning experience. I hope these bowls last a very, very long time. I hope to hear Bridge tell her kids and maybe even grand kids about how those bowls were made.

Bridge's Bowl

Bridge's Bowl ~ View of the legs

My Bowl ~ See the upside down frog?

Bottom of B's bowl ~ See the kitty?

Bottom of my bowl

View of a frog right side up 

Where B's bowl sits

Where my bowl sits

This post is linked up with Bees With Honey ~ Let's Bee Friends by

My First Throat Punch Thursday

Okay. So I haven't blogged in a while. I've been preoccupied with sick kids and falling once again this week. Yeah, I did. More bout that in a bit.

It's Thursday. Every Thursday or maybe most every Thursday my friend in blogging Leighann from Multitasking Mumma does a  Throat Punch Thursday post.  You should check her out. She's AWESOME!

Today for the first time I am participating. Not as witty or creative as some in my manner but rather straight forward in my approach.

First Throat Punch goes to sickness & klutziness. In this instance they go together. Most of y'all may recall that I've been hit with a round of klutziness lately. If you follow me on twitter you know this already. If not, I recommend this post.

After the worst of the sickness had passed my son I scrubbed & disinfected the crap outta the bathroom. I decided the shower curtain was over due for a wash and God knows what nastiness it was hiding. Once it was washed I went to hang it up. I've done this countless times before. As afore mentioned, this last week I have been the Queen of Klutziness. As I finished hanging up the shower curtain and was stepping off the side of the tub, (What?! How else does one hang a shower curtain?) I slipped and landed on my butt. Bruising, jarred back, and jokes abound. Unfortunately, my bounce has of late lost some of it's bounce back.

To the sickness that had me staying up all day and night with Sean therefore making me incredibly tired, cranky and yet determined to clean the bathrooms anyway I deliver you a double whammly left right punch to the throat. Not satisfying enough to my sense of fairness, I give you a nice kick in the ribs while your down! After all, I give as good as I get.

Second Throat Punch goes to that bitch Fate! Oh me and my BFF, Rach, may have fooled her and got around her plans to thwart us getting together this past Friday. Who knew Fate would attempt to have the last laugh? Oh we really should know better by now. We really should.

We had planned to hang out at her place and have a girls night for us and our kiddos, tossing in Nic just to be fair and for fun. Dave and Sean were going to be at local baseball game and all. But no. It was not to be. Due to unforeseen and sad circumstances we called it off. Causing me to be cranky and snappy. Hubby hands me money tells me to take the girls out. Get out of the house and stop being so thin with everyone. He's lucky I didn't bite his head off. I fully believe the $100.00 bill he handed me saved him.

Deciding to take them to see the Smurfs I called up Rach to see if she's up for it. She tried to beg off cause she had no funds and I was all like no problemo. Off we went to meet a theater near us to see the Smurfs. Oddly, not as horrid as I thought it'd be.

This must have really ticked Fate off. I mean it had to be at least the third time we got around her attempt to keep us apart. We had planned on a Tuesday get together at her place. Visiting and what not and toss in some sewing of patches to B's vest. Thanks to the above mentioned sickness and klutziness our planned day together never had a chance.

Fate, a good round house to the throat is the least I'd like to do to you but it'll do for now. Me and Rach are still working on more torture for you. She's a real genius at stuff like that.

Lastly I give a good hearty throat punch to a company that shall remain nameless. I love how you just today sent me an email telling me when an item I ordered was shipped on July 29. What happened to the email telling me when it was being shipped and when I could expect it? I got that item days a go. You my friend (I use the term loosely) are as they say a day late and a dollar short. While I did get my item in a timely manner but I may not recommend you as your customer service leaves a lot to be desired. I truly don't appreciate my business being an after thought. If you say an email will be sent when my item is shipped I expect it to be so. I do not expect an email days after I received said item. Nor do I care what other neat items you have available. I may have cared had you sent the email in a timely manner like you did the item I ordered. I give you an A+ for quick service but an BIG FAT F- for your customer service. By the way, when I was trying to figure out how to place my order I tried calling you and you told me all representatives were busy and told me I could leave a message. WHAT?! No option to hold for the next available representative? I don't know bout anyone else but iffy or out right bad customer service ruins it all. So to you iffy Customer Service I give you a triple throat punch!

Phew! I feel much better now.

Via Twiter Leighann informed me that @TruthfulMommy is the originator of Throat Punch Thursday. Her sight is The Truth About Motherhood. I'll definitely be checking her out and you should, too.