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Monday, July 4, 2011

For Grandma B

Please excuse if this comes out in a raw rambling mess.

I was so sad to hear that you had passed. You were loved and you will be missed. I know that you surely must be with the Lord looking down and watching over us. There are many happy memories we can all share. Those are the memories that stick. The rest, while not forgotten, won't shine as bright as the loving memories I have.

I started immediately thinking about all the wasted years.The circumstances that caused us to be apart. No one person shares the blame. For there's surely enough to go around. The blame game is not a road that anyone should travel. I know, I've been a traveler of that road. Instead, I will hold to those memories that are emblazoned on my brain. The many happy, crazy, bustling of family at get togethers for this reason or that.

Memories Like:

The summer we spent a few weeks or so together traveling, seeing the sights.

At your lake house playing cards. Learning how to clean a fish we caught. (It's amazing I still eat fish.
Especially since it was you I was with that time I got a hook in my hand.).

Your dog, Shotsie (probably misspelled that) and being chased around the house when I wore colored socks.

Helping to walk the dogs and talking nonsense or not, on that afore mentioned summer.

The way if one of us cousins messed up, you called us all. Just to be sure you got the right one.

Those are just a sampling of memories I recall.

Even though it may seem as if I had completely forgotten you and written you off, I never completely did. You see, you were never far from my thoughts. You were in my prayers daily. If I could take back al the time wasted, I would. It's no excuse, the fact that I shut lots of people who loved me out because I had not the effort to put forth at the time. While few may understand this and even fewer forgive this, it was a necessary evil for me to shut down. I'm sorry. I may forever regret that. Right now, that is the rawest emotion I feel at your loss. I know that soon, that will be replaced by the loving memories.

Surely from your perch high in the heavens you can now see how it all played out. Know that you were never far from my heart. I am sorry that we never truly got to be together. That you missed out on my 3 wonderful children, your great grand children. That I missed out on seeing your joy with them. They all have a little piece of each family member who created me in them, I'm sure of it. Some traits, well some may be more apparent than others. I know that all that made me is in them. A part of them.

I look at my wedding ring. Not the one my husband put on my finger but the one my Daddy gave to my Mom. My Mom, your daughter. I remember clearly the day Daddy gave it to me. It fit like it was always meant for me. The ring is a shining example of family connections. A reminder that though we may be far a part, we are still connected. That family bonds are always strong. Even if we don't always realize this to be true.

May your memory and our love forever shine bright!

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