Sick

So here I am sitting. Thinking. Worrying. Probably obsessing. My heart is just sick.

Sick that Sean is in the Child/Adolescent Psych Ward. Sick that he is there for the second time. Yeah, I know there are kids that a far worse off than Sean. Kids whose parents/caregivers are doing their best to understand and help their kid and sometimes that isn't enough, it seems. Flip side is that some parents/caregivers maybe could give a flying flip what got their child to that point and how to move on with better understanding and tools/techniques.

Sick that I think we are at a point where most all of us understand what is going on and what to do. Even understand that if we do not continue to stay on top of it all that it could get very ugly. Of course, no guarantees that even if the medicine is right and that we do the right things that another explosion could happen. Probably will. Nature of the beast of bipolar, or so I think I understand.

Sick that this is tearing everyone in this house up in a different manner. I know that I am a hairs breadth from crying at any given moment. But I am also determined to focus on solutions and the future. Looking back, not good. The past is the past. Learn from it. Move on. I see Hubs torn and trying to be strong and not show that he is.

At our visit with Sean today we realized, again, that we must be unified. A solid team of adults on the same page. That agree to disagree policy Nana has is no longer good enough. Maybe it's fine if she disagrees BUT she must not let Sean know she feels that way. Sean must see that we are one team and not divided. A talk with Nana is coming. Hubs was going to talk to Pop tonight about this. Then Pop or both of them would talk to Nana about it. How vitally important it is she gets it. That this is not about blame. Not about who said or did what and when. Not how I probably made him this way some how. Not about getting defensive because she thinks we think she's at fault. We all have a bit of the blame of not doing the right things or saying the right things and mishandling situations. I don't know of any parent or grandparent or caregiver that has always done the perfectly perfect thing.

Tomorrow we all go to visit Sean. Before the visit comes a family pow wow of sorts. With a counselor or some other qualified professional to sit with and talk about how serious this is with Sean. How serious it is that he seems to only be explosive with females. That he's less likely to take on males. But when mostly females in charge are around he will and does act up and test the limits. That it's probably not if he attacks me again but when. And it might not even be me. It could be any female. That we need a game plan for if/when it happens. One that he knows is deadly serious. Like, if he attacks again we call the police. Even if it's just a minor barely feel it punch. So he knows we can and will call.

I am obsessively thinking and worrying over this. I know this eats at Nana. Know it. I know she knows there is a problem. In the past she has thought it was just me/bad parenting. I think she is coming down off that stance. I think that living here in their has shown them what we were talking about all those years ago. Actually, maybe it wasn't so many years ago. Three years since his last hospital visit. We were getting treatment and help before that.

Anyway, we've, me and Hubs, have always been proactive in getting treatment and such. It's tough way to live. Some days it's really like waiting for that other shoe to fall. Now it's less about that and more about recognizing severe signs of trouble when we see them. So maybe we can avoid another hospital trip. Or worse.

Todays visit was tough. So tough in fact that we decided not to go tonight. I called Sean to talk to him and he immediately asked if I was on the way. I said no. He wanted to know if I was coming and when. Again, no. Immediate tears and whining from his end. Hello possible manipulation. Yeah, he could be upset that I wasn't coming but usually when he cries it's him trying to get you to do what he wants. Then is was all about how unfair our earlier visit was and focusing on stuff we had already along with staff told him was not acceptable. He was whining and crying then, too. I signaled Hubs it was time to go. A nurse had politely told us that it was perfectly acceptable to leave when he acts like this and send the sign that sort of behavior is wrong and will not get you what you want.

Alternatively, he seems to think this visit is a vacation. Keeps asking us to bring him things. Things that he does not have at home. Like he really wants the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. First time he mentioned it I said we'd see. After talking it over with Hubs we agreed that we were not against buying him books but we were not going to reward the behavior that led to the hospital. I feel strongly that is a good stance. I've only taken clothes, hygiene products, his Boys Life Magazine, and a thinking of you type card. He also has a book he took with him when we went to the hospital for evaluation/assessment.

I hate this bipolar thing. Really hate it. Hate ODD, too. Don't really understand either of them. Hate that it seems to be winning and dividing this family. Hate that it's not an understood/accepted thing. Hate that I feel isolate sometimes. Like a pariah. Like, Oh that's so and so's Mom and he's bad news. WTF?! If he had any other sicknesses or learning disabilities people would trip over themselves to understand or help. This bipolar thing is scary and it is real. The most dangerous thing is to feel isolated.

It's also dangerous to be unsure of yourself as a parent. That is where I am. I keep second guessing myself. Keep wondering what in the hell I did to cause it. Yet, knowing I did nothing but be his Mom. I am worried about what the future holds and if he really will attack me again. I am worried and scared that in the meeting tomorrow Nana will get defensive and play the blame game and not hear a damn word any of is hearing.

Of course, a lot of that is out of my control. All I can do is soak up as much understanding and techniques as possible and use them. Help teach them to others who live here and are in charge. Maybe others who do not live here and are sometimes in charge of my kids. And pray. I can pray. Pray that God will help me and all of us to understand and accept this and give us the strength to move forward. Pray we all come together for the sake of this little boy.

Maybe even have a hand in educating people out their about these sorts of things. Yeah, maybe that kid  in the store throwing a tantrum is just going through a phase. Especially if he/she's at that right age to be doing. But if that kid is not at the right age. Just maybe me talking about it will open up people to other possibilities. Rather than saying to yourself that mother (or whoever) has no control over that kid or how can they allow that? Just maybe you'll think that kid may have an unseen issue like bipolar. Just maybe you smile at that mother and don't judge. Trust me, we feel like we are judged all the freaking time. We also struggle with self confidence and fear. Fear to go out into the world cause we don't know what might cause our kid to lose it.

What?! This is Where We Are Right Now

I think the last time I posted anything here it was July. And it was just a post from my 30 Topics List thing. What can I say? Summer was a crazy mess and I had like no time what so ever.

This past Monday was the first day of school. YAY! 

Bridge (not smiling) ready for 2nd grade, Meg ready for Kindergarten, & Sean ready for 5th grade

What do you know, Bridge is sort of smiling in this one

I thought things would get better. They didn't. 

Monday evening, Sean and every other adult in this house had an altercation. Mostly a lot of Sean yelling and screaming and being extremely defiant and such. I really don't know what sparked it or anything as I was taking care of the girls. It ended with Sean asking to go to the hospital. He's been before and though he may have forgotten what it was like he knew they could help. I guess that's a good thing.

There was family pow wow and some of Nana trying to talk Sean or scare him out of his want to go. That was not really working and the more she tried the more adamant he was that something was wrong and he wanted to figure it out. Not too shabby for a 10 year old trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Maybe he can't say, "Hey my meds are off." BUT he is showing signs of knowing when all is not right. Good thing, yes?

Looking back, the signs were there weeks ago that he was way off. But none of the signs were close together til this last week. Really just since last Thurs. And what was showing up looked more like Tween stuff to us. I guess we really don't know what is normal Tween behavior and what is over the top. 

Example: 2 or 3 weeks ago we went to NRH2O (local water park) and Sean showed signs of what I now know is grandiose thinking. None of my kids really know how to swim and though the 2 oldest have taught themselves a little it is not enough for them to go to deep water. After a ride on The Viper with Bridge and Sean we made our way to the Wave Pool (I'm sure it has a neater name) where Hubs had taken Meg to hang out in the shallow end. Did I mention Hubs cannot swim? I am the only one of the 5 of us who can. But he's good for hanging out in the shallow end and keeping kiddos safe. Both Bridge and Meg had life vests on and were happily jumping waves and splashing in the shallow area that I said they needed to stay in. Sean decided that he did not have to stay in his area and took his inner tube and went to over 6ft water which when the waves are going is really deeper than that. While telling the girls to go to Daddy and stay I went to drag Sean back. One small problem. Out of the corner of my eye I see the girls following me. I guess they trusted that if they were with me they were safe. I stopped and told Sean to come back to me. He didn't. I go to get him again and see that Meg and Bridge are not going back to Daddy, though they did stay where they were, and Meg was losing against the waves. I go to her and haul her out of the water for all I am worth and tell Bridge to get to Daddy NOW! To get her going I grabbed her vest and propelled her towards him. Gave Meg to Hubs and got Sean and gave him what for. We really thought it was just arrogance and defiance to show us he could do just what he pleased and he could handle the deepest area of the wave pool. Lesson learned. 

Weeks before that incident was a day from Hell for a good friend of mine who watched the kids while I went to have 3 wisdom teeth extracted. But again, not over the top enough to get our attention. 

After a angry outburst and attack a couple weeks ago at a family function where I narrowly missed a kick to the throat we called the dr. Dr appt was soon and we just adjusted the times we gave meds. That seemed to be okay.

Enter Monday before last when Sean went to his Dr appt. We discussed the violent incidents and one of his meds was upped. A new one was added. One was moved to just as needed. All to be taken at night. To help with sleep and to help curb the aggressive behavior. For one reason after another with the pharmacy and the dr office being closed on Wednesdays, meds were not filled til last Thursday. Before his new doses and new med he had a meltdown at a local restaurant when I gave him an adult menu and a kids paper menu w/colors so he could draw and what not. His first reaction was to yell at me that he hated me and wanted me dead and he always ordered ribs with Dad. All because I dared to give him a kids menu. No asking if he could order off the adult menu or asking why he had a kids menu. Nope, he went ballistic. Didn't last long. Hubs got there (we were meeting at the restaurant) and calmed him down and asked Sean if I said he had to order off the kid menu. Rest of dinner was good. 

Last Friday and Saturday had no issues. Kids stayed the night at a friend of mine's apartment. She reported no real trouble.

Saturday evening we get home and low and behold all kids have left there toothbrushes. So, I say let's go to Target to get some new ones. Sean starts to throw a crying fit how he doesn't want to go and we just got home. I tell him there is no one home to stay with him and he has no choice but to go. He just cries and complains but gets in the truck. 

Get to Target and the toothbrush aisle and commence beginning of mega meltdown. He gets pissed that I will not buy a him a toothbrush like mine and won't buy a kids electric toothbrush. Yells at me that he hates me and will not brush his teeth and yanks the toothbrush he chose from the choices I gave him out of my hands. I shrug and say okay. Meg asks to get in cart and I put her in the cart where she curls up with her blankie. Retrieve toothbrush and off to the wine aisle. I wanted those little one serving bottles so I wouldn't have to open a whole bottle. Here is where I should have just changed the plan I made in my head when I headed to Target. Just before the wine aisle Sean yells he hates me some more and he wants me dead and oh by the way I hate God and I hate this medallion (Nana gave it to him and told him it represented the Holy Spirit and would protect him or something like that). He takes medallion off and attempts to toss it on the floor but I get it before that. I tell him to put it back on as it is important to Nana. Mistake. More hindsight, I should have just put it in my purse when I got it from him. As I turn to get the wine he punches my back from behind. I tell him he has no right to hit me and better not do so again. He yells for help and none comes. He attempts another punching attack. I avoid it and grab his arm. Probably shouldn't have but I pulled his pants down and busted his butt good. 

Proceed to walk away to check out while pulling out my phone and sobbingly telling Hubs I think he needs to come home from where he's at (out of town at a coin show). He asks to talk to Sean. I mention he's attacked me and I am seriously considering taking him to the hospital. He asks me to just go home. By now we have made the checkout and I have found the shortest line. Sean looks at me and yells "YOU'RE A F***ING A**HOLE!!" and he punches me for all he's worth in the shoulder. I take the phone and tell Hubs conversation over. By now the clerk has totaled my items and with tears and embarrassment in my eyes I pay for my items. Clerk says it's okay and hands me my things wine and all. What a cliche I must have looked like. 

As we are headed for the truck I call a friend who lives not far away and ask her to please come over and sit with the girls as I may have to take Sean to the hospital. She says she will. Between her and me we convince Hubs he needs to come home. In the truck on the way home I am praying that we get home safely and God will get Sean to calm the heck down. At this point, Sean is kicking and punching and pulling on the seats in the truck. 

Get in the house and he goes to attack me again. I push him away from me and tell him to back down. I am furious and know I can no longer handle him. I tell the girls to get their baths then go to their room and put on a movie. I tell Sean to sit down in the living room, office, or Nana's room. I take the dog out and walk her up and down our street with silent tears still streaming. Of course that's how a neighbor would see me and ask if I was okay. I lie and say I am fine and she knows I am lying but says she hopes I feel better soon. 

Enter the house and Sean says sorry. I say I do not want to discuss it and that he needs to go get a shower. But first I give him his meds. Then he goes to shower. And he's entered sulk mood. 

I think it's over and that all will be okay and all we need to do is call the dr. After my friend got here I took out a bottle of wine and gave her one, too. We talk while I sob and she tells me she's called her boyfriend to come over, too. We talk and wait.

Sean is settled in the office where I tell him he needs to stay. I think I let him watch TV, I'm not sure. When he's finally getting sleeping, like over an hour later, he demands to go to his room. I tell him he has choice of office or Nana's room. He says, "NO!" I tell him then the choice is now mine and we are going to the office. I will bring his blanket and pillow but he will go to the office and stay. This is where he makes to attack me again. This is where friend's boyfriend steps in and calmly sits and talks with Sean. Meanwhile, my friend is reading a story to the girls and getting them tucked in. 

Hubs gets home and they leave. Sean gets tucked in and we go to bed. We all know we should have gone to the hospital then but we didn't. 

Sunday was uneventful. Just me bone tired and trying my best to fake happy. No such look since I look like hell. 

Monday was uneventful. I mean with the exception of the 1st day of school. Where apparently Sean had yelled at a teacher cause of a change in where they sat kids w/sibs for parent pick up. We discuss it and all is calm.

Monday evening he yells at Pop and Rob about being told to walk Daisy while I am giving the girls a bath.

By late Monday night after our family pow wow we leave for the hospital. We are all in agreement and Nana is wavering but has given in. Yes, it is our decision not theirs but we told them we needed to be unified and whether or not you agreed you had to make Sean believe you are a team player. My point was that if Sean was asking to go and given all that had happened in recent days he should go to the hospital. I saw it playing out that Sean would continue to push and do whatever action it took to get him to the hospital and it was better for us to go now. Let the hospital decide if he needs to be admitted and then it is not us saying yes or no. 

By 2 am we knew he was going to be admitted. At 3am on the way home I am emailing the school to let them know he will not be in school for several days. (so I don't forget to do) By 4am we are home and in bed. By 6:30am we are up and getting the girls ready for school. By 8am, I am home and back in bed. 

This is where we are. Sean in the hospital and playing the med adjustment and observation game. I am filling out more paperwork and getting more info on what we are doing. 

I am numb and just trying to cope and stay strong. Knowing we made the right call, even if it was late in coming. 

Apparently another sign was that Sean was talking all the time and not stopping and jumping subjects like crazy is a sign of manic state.

I am out of words. This is not where this story ends. I just have to let all this out. Bipolar in kids/pre-teens, tweens if you like, is something I am not sure I'll ever understand. It presents differently in kids. Same symptoms but cycles faster and is harder to catch.

30 Topics ~ My Most Embarrassing Moment

Ok, so it's been awhile since I've posted anything. I really haven't had any ideas on what to post. Complete ideas, I should say. So, I'm going back to The List.

~ The List ~ 

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for. 

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment

So what is my most embarrassing moment? I am not sure I could pick one out. So I'll make a list of embarrassing things that have happened to me and y'all can decided which is more mortifying. 

In no particular order:

1) Once in High School I was talking to a friend while walking down the halls and I saw a cute boy. Would've been nice if my friend had thought to warn me about the brick wall I walked right into. Or maybe she was distracted as well? Sad boy laughed and did not even ask if I was okay.

2) My Senior year in HS I was our school's Mascot for the Varsity Cheerleading Sqaud. During a Pep Rally I accidentally, I swear it was an accident, punched a teacher in the nose. Our Mascot uniform was hard for this short gal to see out of and he said something to me and as I turned around, WHAM! Oops. It was a teacher that I liked and respected, as did most of the school.

3) Had to go deliver something to a teacher and as I walked out I tripped over the cord of his lamp and broke it. Did I mention that the room was dark cause the class was watching a video? OR that it was the same teacher I accidentaly punched at the Pep Rally?

4) Once when I was about 11 I got my pony tail stuck in my sister's car window when I went to roll it up. Not sure how that happened exactly. And maybe it's not really an embarrassing thing but to me at the time it was. I also recall saying quiet blandly, "Oh gee I got my hair stuck in the window."

5) I've also once or twice hit my head with my own car door. Not sure anyone so those things so maybe not truly an embarrassing moment.

6) My Junior year in High School out of the blue I sneezed quite loudly and with copious amounts of snot onto my desk and economics book. Of course no one handed me a tissue and I had to excuse myself from class. Took a long while to live that one down. 

7) Once in Jr High, the 7th grade to be exact, in math class I let out the loudest most god awful fart you can imagine when I picked up my dropped pencil from the floor. Lucky for me the boy who sat in front of me was well known for doing those sorts of things all the time. So, I quickly said, "Oh *insert made up name* How could you do that!!! GROSS!!!!" As I scooted my desk as far back and to the side as I could. Again, maybe not really embarrassing since I blamed another. It was kind of funny since he was all like WTH?!  and insisting it was not him. Which of course only made him look more guilty.

Well, there you go. That's all off the top of my head. I am sure I've had embarrassing moments as an adult, I just cannot think of one.

Brownie Smile SWAPS

I am not terribly crafty. Lucky for me I can be taught. It helps to have a daughter who loves to draw and do anything resembling crafty. It's also helpful to have a daughter that is a Girl Scout cause they do lots of crafts. One of the biggies is SWAPS. SWAPS = Special Whatchamacallit Affectionately Pinned Somewhere.

Bridge is now a 1st year Brownie Girl Scout. Last summer she went to one Twilight Camp, one Day Camp, and 3 Summer Extreme Events. As a 2nd year Daisy at that time we hadn't had a bunch of experience in making or trading SWAPS. So it was like a crash course for us. For her Twilight Camp and Summer Extreme events she didn't need SWAPS. Hubs took her to Day Camp and was informed that she would need X amount of SWAPS by Friday. He was all like OK. When he told me, I was all  What The Heck do we make & how? BUT, we managed it. I went to Hobby Lobby to get some ideas or have inspiration strike. Budget was slim. Enter foam shapes. One idea led to another and we made foam shapes w/buttons on them. The buttons represented the Friendship Circle. VOILA! Our first SWAPS we made. They were not the bestest things ever but we had made them. I don't have a picture to share of em but maybe you can picture it, a bit.

This year, I actually thought ahead. I asked Bridge if she would like to make Brownie Smile SWAPS out of bottle caps for camp. Since she was a Brownie now and there's that cute Brownie Smile song. She got all kinds of giddy. 

Begin planning process. Thanks to a genius friend who told me you can buy bottles caps at a home brewers' shop. So I did. Twice. 

Since I am a beginner, or whatever might be before beginner, crafter I had no idea how to paint bottle caps. I was sure acrylic paint would work. Not so much. The paint chipped and scraped off when I stupidly put them back in the gallon ziplock after they were dry. We had already started and finish it we were going to. So, bought another batch of bottle caps and we started over. This time with tips on how to make the paint stick and seal it. 

We scratched the backs lightly with fine sandpaper. (I have since been told that a metal primer can be bought and used OR that online they can be purchased already colored) Painted them with acrylic paint in Earth Brown. Let them dry. I went back over them with Mod Podge to seal the paint. Turns out, the paint still chips if hit just so but oh well. We were going to glue flat pins on the backs anyways. 

For the inside of the caps we painted them with acrylic paint in either Sunshine Yellow or Tangerine. When that dried we used paint pens in Silver and Black to make eyes and big smiles. When that was dried, I used the Mod Podge again to seal it.

We then hot glued flat pins to the backs. I had a friend over helping me and it was nice little visit. We used low heat glue guns with glitter glue sticks. I am not comfortable with letting my kids use hot glue guns yet, so having my friend over was a big help since 159 bottle caps can be a lot to do yourself. She also helped write on the little baggies, too. 

I can't say this is probably the best way to paint bottle caps but I am not unpleased with how they turned out. They are pretty darn cute if I say so myself. Maybe some more experienced crafter will know a better technique.

EDIT: After camp Bridge told me that they had problems with the pins breaking off. Maybe it was the hot glitter glue? So maybe we should've used regular hot glue? Super glue? I don't know. Just an FYI, if you will.

Bridge painting our first set of bottle caps

Meggie painting our first set of bottle caps

The aftermath of our first painting session. After I had tidied up a bit.

The backs of our painted and sealed 2nd set of bottle caps drying

The painted insides drying

Our smiling bottle caps painted and sealed drying

Finished yellow one. 

Finished back

Meggie putting Brownie Smiles into baggies. Just love her face!

Bridge putting Brownie Smiles into baggies.

Brownie Smile SWAP ready to go

Chopped Veggie

Last week I totally meant to blog about Sean and his Cub Scout Rain Gutter Regatta. Instead, I blogged about my new truck. Meant for this post to be done by the next day so it could go live but time got away from me. Shame Shame. Days later I am finishing up this post. It's been a busy kind of week.

So let's talk about the call I got last Thursday morning about 11am. It was from Hubs telling me that he had taken Sean's Regatta Boat to work on while he was out of town. At that point in my head I was thinking, "YAY! I didn't lose it! Sean didn't lose it!" THEN Hubs told me HE lost it and could I please go buy another and help Sean with it since he would not be home in time to do so. I told him I would but that it was going to be a close call and I was not happy. I was visiting my BFF with mine and Nana's dog in tow to see the Vet. Turns out the Vet wasn't able to see the dogs but that's another story. BFF says she'd help if needed and I so could've kissed her. She was already working on sewing numerous patches to Bridge's Daisy Vest. 

I rushed to the Scout Shop to get the boat and paint. Then to the hardware store to get sandpaper. To save time, me and BFF sanded, painted, and marked the bottom where the rudder and keel would go. YAY US!! I made a call to Sean's Art Group Therapy teacher and told her that due to emergency Scout business Sean would not be at group. I felt horrible but what could I do? He gets out of group and home just in time to go to Scouts. We needed that time.

When I picked up the kids from school I told them what had been decided and what we needed to do. To curb the disappointment I told them we'd still go to QT and they could get whatever snack/drink they wanted. I'm awesome like that.

Got home and the girls, for the most part, did what I asked them to and stayed out of the garage and our way. I know it killed them to be inside watching cartoons and not out working on a boat with us. Meg may have popped her head into the garage 2 or 3 times but that was it.

Because I am not smart enough to take my laptop to the garage, or rather wanted it out of danger, we were using my cell phone to follow web directions on making an awesome Rain Gutter Regatta boat. I showed Sean how to sand the boat since it needed another sanding, why I have no idea. He did a bang up job. But some of the pretty blue paint came off. Oops. Sean wanted to paint it some more and I said ok. Instead of using the paint I bought that dried quickly I let Sean talk me into the white spray paint, the fact I left the paint brush at BFFs house might have helped that decision. Before we could paint it, I suggested we might go ahead and attach the rudder and keel. So I showed him the diagram and showed him how to use the tacky glue. Then, I showed him how to spray paint the sides white. He did pretty well and only had too much paint and bubbles on one side. While that dried I let him loose with sharpies to decorate the sail. He decided that since I said no to violence he'd draw a knife, an onion, and lettuce. We then had to think of a name. Some how we landed on Chopped Veggie.

While the boat still needed to dry I told him we should clean up our area and go get cleaned up and ready to go. By the time it was time to leave Hubs was home and showing me my new truck. Sean then proudly showed him his Regatta Boat. 

Get to Cub Scouts and find out we put the keel or the rudder, I don't remember which, on the wrong way. Like upside down or something. I have no idea how it happened except that we were looking at a diagram and I was doing my best not to take over. It is supposed to be mostly a Scout thing after all. Scout Leader told us it was ok and Sean could participate. YAY! Cause for half a min I was freaking out thinking, "OMG I failed my kid!!"

Commence the racing. Starting with the younger Scouts up to the older ones (Tigers, Wolves, Bears, Webelos 1 & 2, though I don't think we had Webelos 2). The girls are antsy thereby making me antsy and ready to just leave. But we stuck it out.

Finally, its Sean's Den is up. I watched all the heats. Hubs called out to him to not watch the guy he was racing but pay attention to his boat. I just kept watching Sean. I was so stinking proud of what I saw I wanted to shout it to the world. Sean was watching the racers ahead of him and taking note of their style. Getting an idea of what was working or not working and how best to approach this thing we have never done. (In CS Rain Gutter Regatta boys blow wind into the sail to make the boat go). He was also patiently waiting his turn and not whining or anything. He took suggestions from us and kept doing his thing. In his heats he only got 1 X, 2 Xs meant your day was done. By the end when it was coming down to who would place 3rd, 2nd, and 1st, Sean had some of his Den/Pack mates and other parents cheering him on. That, made my heart nearly burst right there. This is the kid that for 2 years was frustrated by his Pine Wood Derby experiences. He got 1st Place in his Den. That earned him the chance to race for Overall Regatta Winner.

He got a new card for racing. Commence the heats. When his turn during the heats came up he had us and other Pack mates and parents cheering for him. He was eliminated early on and didn't place in the Over All. He was bummed for a minute that he wouldn't get a trophy. We just kept telling him how AWESOME he did and how PROUD we were of how well he did and not just the winning 1st in his Den. THEN, others in the Pack started to pat him on the back and tell him how great he did. Man, it was an AWESOME evening for sure.

No one could believe that we had put that boat together in less than a day. Lucky me it didn't need special tools. I decided against too much shaping of the boat and thought simple was best. Good call, no?

That night as I was tucking Sean in he asked if I could help him next year with his Pinewood Derby Car. I laughed and said, "Remember when I said I know nothing about boats?" He nodded. I said, "Well, I know less than nothing about cars. We'll see, though. Maybe I can consult." 

Sean at dinner last night showing off his new Webelos 2 rank. So forgot to snap pictures last week.

Side view of Sean's Regatta Boat

Front view of Sean's Regatta Boat

His Den Medal

The Beast

So let's talk about the Beast. I guess it could be considered by most to be a Mini Beast but to me it's most definitely the Beast.

The Beast is a Trailblazer EXT. Beige (or whatever special color name they gave it). My new truck. Our new (to us) family vehicle. I don't even care if it's beige. It's beautiful. Bye Bye good 'ole Buick Regal. We've had a good run but we're definitely over.

Yesterday, Hubs got home from his 2 day business trip to Houston. YAY! I must say I really missed him, like I always do when he's gone. But this trip was a tad different. While he was in Houston he found a new truck for us. For me, really. A new family vehicle. He and his colleague spent a whole day looking for it. They were on a mission and apparently the vehicle gods were smiling down on them. Maybe even with a wink of humor? You see, I was completely sure I wanted a Chevrolet. Why? Call it ingrained from birth. Anyway, I told him that what would be best for us would be either an SUV like a Traverse or Suburban or an mini van. Any of those would definitely fit our family of 5 comfortable with room to spare.  They looked at 2 Explorers, 2 Trailblazers, and a Suburban. The Trailblazer won. For probably male reasons or maybe just cause it's what I said I wanted. Could be one of those reasons or a combo. 

Can I just say how amazing it is to once again have a vehicle with air conditioning. We live in Texas y'all, A/C is pretty much a necessity. We did have to go a little longer without A/C than we had planned. For sure he definitely found a new truck for us (me) sooner than I expected. Next to the A/C the pluses  are: all windows go down, room for us and a little more, remote lock/unlock w/alarm, and I now no longer feel like I am going to be road kill for other SUVs and such. My old Buick had no A/C and only 2 windows that went down. True, it's better than only one or no windows going down. It was hard enough for me to grin and bear it. Add 3 complaining kids, and well grinning and bearing it got a little tougher. I was never so happy to hear the news when he called. Since apparently he also posted it on FB first and I hadn't responded yet. After that I was pretty much in countdown mode. 

It's taken a bit for me to adjust to driving the Beast. Still adjusting as a matter of fact. It is quite a bit bigger than my old Buick. Yesterday evening, while driving to Sean's CS Rain Gutter Regatta I noticed a few small details that screamed he thought of me. He texted me saying he was having it cleaned and fluids changed. Pretty much standard when you buy a used car. I reached to change the radio station and realized I had hit a preset button. Just an autopilot thing. I didn't even consider I was in a new to me vehicle. Then I noticed there was a vent air freshener. I asked what scent it was. Hubs said it was cucumber melon. It hit me all at once, he had seen to every last detail he could think of. I could've cried right then. But I didn't. I was still processing. 

So this morning when we were driving to run errands I told him I noticed it. And that those two things meant the most to me, small as they were. It speaks volumes of the love he feels and how much he wanted this vehicle and me to easily mesh. 

Love that man of mine! Such a lucky gal. 

30 Topics ~ Almost 10 Influencers

~ The List ~ 

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for. 

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

It's been awhile since I have worked on this list of topics. I must admit this one stumped me. I wanted to skip it and come back to it but decided not to, obviously. So in no particular order, really.

1) My Dad ~ He is stronger than he may ever know. I can only imagine how difficult it was for him when my Mom died and he was left to raise a 5mo old baby girl by himself. So there were a few things we both could've done without but it made us stronger. 

2) My Husband ~ He is really a great man, husband, and father. He makes me want to be a better person. He is always working hard to make our lives better. I feel he doesn't always know how appreciated he is. And there are those who think he doesn't do enough. I am blessed that he helps with the kids a lot and lets me have me time almost anytime I need it.

3) My MIL ~ She is a strong lady. She took me in and treated me just as her own. It was one of the first things she said to me when I moved in with them years ago when Hubs and I were just dating, that she would treat me as her own, and she always has. She is strong in her faith and even though our religions are different and disagree on somethings, she helped to put me back on the path of embracing my faith.

4) My BFF ~ She's truly the most magnificent friend a gal could have. To say she's been there for me whenever, through thick and then, and then some, would probably be an understatement. If I need to talk or vent or whatever, you can bet she'll be there to listen. She'll tell me in no uncertain terms what she thinks. She'd probably say I do the same for her. I think the fact that neither of us can recall how we came best friends speaks volumes. I would drop anything to get to her and help if she needs me. She also had a hand in getting me back into church and rebuilding my shaky foundation.

5) My Kids ~ Just like my Hubs, they make me want to be a better person. I believe that not only do they grow everyday but so do I. They have taught me how to just be and it's okay to be completely silly just to be silly. They have taught me to be more patient and understanding. To look at things from a new perspective and find solutions and strategies that may not be the norm to some. 

6) My Family ~ So we are or have been dysfunctional at times. Maybe mine is more so than others. They've taught me it doesn't matter what the separation is, family is family and it's forever. You don't choose em. You can bet when one calls and is need someone will have the right words or can help. That you are always welcome. And hopefully something I can say soon, doesn't matter how long you've been a part it's like it never happened. 

7) Step Mom 2 ~ Not all influencers are good ones. She taught me that there can be true evil/meanness in people. She showed me who I do not want to be. Even though her goal was to tear me down and make me a shell of a person. Instead, she helped to strengthen me and show me what I am made of.

8) 

9)

10)

I can't seem to find 10. I am sure there are 3 more but I am drawing a blank. So I guess 7 will have to do.