Sometimes I just wanna....

Sometimes I just wanna scream til I can't scream any more.

Sometimes I just wanna cry til I can't cry any more.

Sometimes I just wanna shake the people I live with and scream at them.

Last night was rough. In fact, the whole day was just off. It seemed that way for everyone in the house.

The morning started off with lots of screaming from Sean. It was about 10am. He was mad and let everyone know it. Why?

 Backtrack a bit, Saturday night we all went to Peter Piper Pizza (except for BIL, he wasn't home). It was a blast. One of the prizes Sean got from his tickets was a ninja toy set. I wasn't with him or I might have discouraged this choice. Nana, had no such issues.

So, yesterday morning he was playing with his ninja set. Meg was too. She accidentally hit Bridge with the nun chucks (or whatever they're called). This is when we all decided it was a toy for outside and that Sean needed to put them away or go outside to play with them. Simple, right? Nope. He went into meltdown over it for over and hr. We sat him in Pop's office. Told him he couldn't come out til he was over this screaming and fit throwing.

For over an hr we heard things like "I hate you!" "I hate it here!" "I hate my sisters! I want brothers!" "They don't love me! They love the girls more!" "Why can't we get our own house!" "I wish they were all dead!" "I wish I was dead!"

Luckily it wasn't a violent fit. We've learned when Sean gets like this it's really best to find a place he can safely vent and not try to talk to him or anything. If you try talking or anything else in this kind of moment he usually turns all that rage on the adult. We're talking hitting, kicking, biting, etc...

This seemed ok to all in the house. Nana and Pop generally stay out of it. We have an agree to disagree and don't interfere unless asked. We were all just pretty much ignoring it.

Then in comes BIL who is like can't you make him stop. I want to sleep in. I decided not to comment with what I really wanted to say. I'm not certain it came from him (BIL) but spanking Sean's butt was mentioned. Hubby pointed out how that would only make the fit worse and louder. I pointed out it also tends to make it more violent.

BIL grumble grumble...in my head I'm thinking get the hell over it it's 10am!

It was fairly quite for rest of day. Everyone minding their own business and not really interacting with each other. Well, except for the kids. They played a little together but mostly they just swapped turns on computer, x box, and iPad. BIL took off to do goodness knows what. Pop was staying out of the way of Nana. Nana was doing her laundry and cleaning. I was taking day off. Didn't make kids beds. Didn't clean anything. Sean spent most of afternoon at friends house.

Peaceful, enjoyable afternoon.

Until dinner time.

We had dinner rather late, 8:30pm. Don't know why it just happened that way. Everyone was in a mood. The silent broody don't talk bout it mood. I thought it was something we did (hubs, me, or kids). Nana said it wasn't. I left it at that. Then she made some comment bout it being 9pm and we were eating dinner. Well, it wasn't quite 9pm and it was barely 8:30pm.

Then came Sean meltdown #2. He said he was done with dinner. We asked him to go get in shower. Simple routine happens every night. Enter irrational fit over shower.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER! The Girls didn't!"

We point out that the girls had baths earlier in the day. (Sun eve they fell into bed w/no bath) The girls were in the house all day and did't get dirty enough to require second bath.

Finally got him calmed from that one. Getting everyone in bed and stories read. Only not.

After tuck in, girls popped up few times cause Sean was. How'd they know? (they don't sleep in same room) It's not like Sean was quite bout the whole thing.

"I'm NOT TIRED!" "Stupid medicine hasn't kicked in yet!" "I hate medicine!" "My stomach hurts!"

By now I was getting frazzled. Hubby, not so much. He was handling it so well. Only Nana came in behind once and said "why don't you lay down with him?"

I look at hubby and said, "He's already in our room. Why should we have to lay down with him to make this stop?" Decoded that means, I want some quality time for us. Even if it is just us watching TV.

You can understand how difficult it can be living with 8 in a house. 3 of whom are my in laws. I love them like they're mine and they love me like I'm there's.

But over last 2 wks I'm getting really pissy that I have no privacy.

Sean is in our room. Fine, he ends up there in middle of night anyways. But this means that at bedtime, we cannot be in our room. One, because I have to be real tired to go to bed between 8:30p and 9pm. Two, I'd only want to read, play on computer, or watch movie. Don't even get me started bout other quality time with hubby. It was difficult before. Now it's down right near impossible.

Life would be so much easier if in laws would really take the time to understand Sean and why he does what he does. It's not so simple as a fit because he didn't get his way. He really does have problems. He really does need us to all be on the same team and playing by the same rules. I think that he either know or senses they're not buying into his diagnoses. This allows him to play us against each other.

I was hard enough to be going through all this with just us in our house. Now it's painful. I don't know how to change it. Talking to them and showing them what we've recherched doesn't help. Is it as simple as they don't want to admit they have a grand son who is bipolar/adhd/odd?

I don't know. But I do know that for as much as I wanna scream and cry I know it'll work out.

The sun does shine.

Most days I wanna laugh til my stomach hurts.

Most days I wanna smile til my cheeks hurt.

Everyday I hug and kiss my kids and thank God he sent them to me.